We answer your pathetic questions about dating, loneliness, and your inevitable failure.
Dear Hot Dog and The Lady Bun,
I recently slept with a guy that I like for the first time. Afterward it was a little awkward. Why is sex so weird?!
-Ladoya
Lady Bun Spoons You Through It
Sex is an important part of adulthood, like joint pain and using the word “vaginal.”
But for ladies, it can also be very traumatic. Did you know that women release the same endorphins during sex as they do when buying cats and loose-leaf tea? That’s why we get attached, and that’s what makes things get “weird.” See, women are biologically pre-disposed to fall in love with anything that enters their lower body, which is why lawmakers have made it illegal for a woman to marry a tampon. And much like tampons, men always hang by a string, especially if you get too needy after sex. This is why it’s so important to seem unattached during your first foray into the “In N’ Out” game. Here are some tips to staying cool as a penis-shaped cucumber.
Tips to looking very uninterested during sex.
· Make sure you shrug a lot when you’re doinking. This will achieve that “I don’t know?” look guys love so much in models and/or waitresses.
· Never look him in the eyes. Maybe try wearing sunglasses during sex! That way you’ll finally fulfill his childhood fantasy of fucking the Terminator.
· Do not let him know you’ve had an orgasm. This will make him feel too powerful over your lady parts. Treat your climax like you’re at a really fucked up library (of dicks) and stay very quiet. In fact, try covering your “O” face with the latest Dean Koontz novel!
