So you like music, but you don’t know how you fit in to the whole world of it, huh?
Spoiler alert: you’re going to die some day.
Now that you don’t give a shit anymore, here’s a thing you can read about that music thing I was almost just talking about.
The Official Pecking Order of Music is this:
The alien race of lizard people who have all the money and power.
- Musicians who actually do cool shit.
- Musicians who don’t do cool shit even though that’s what they think they’re trying to do because the shit they think is cool isn’t cool, or musicians who are really trying and have their hearts in the right place but nonetheless fail to do something cool, or musicians who used to do cool shit but now can’t afford to do anything too cool because they have a house to pay off, or musicians who do semi-cool shit kind of by accident every once in a while but who are otherwise motivated by churning out hits and making money, or musicians who used to do cool shit but now can’t because they have no frame of reference because they spent the last 45 years of their life being Lou Reed and nobody on earth can relate to that, or musicians who never even considered doing cool shit and now they’re the bassist for Huey Lewis’s most recent project, or musicians who might be doing cool shit for all you know but you don’t care to investigate because the cool shit they’re doing is something esoteric and probably terrible like “breaking new ground in the violin techno community” or “singlehandedly revitalizing the Armenian jug band,” or musicians who are doing pointedly “uncool shit” on purpose as some sort of a talentless hack commentary on “cool shit,” otherwise known as “shitty novelty acts,” or jazz musicians.
- Metal bands, which are always both 100% great and 100% terrible at the same time.
Engineers and producers who are kind of responsible for making music but not really.
- Good ones.
- Shitty ones.
- Just kidding, there are no good ones.
People who make a living at music-related things that aren’t making music, like running a label, or a record store, or managing a band, or running a venue, or booking agents, or, you know, public relations or whatever.
- People who just liked something and so they did it and then enjoyed making money by accident.
- SLIME who just enjoyed making money and so they did it and then liked something by accident.