WORLD PEACE UPDATE
Last week was a joint effort by some butthurt loyalists in Belfast, some Chilean pig murderers, and some Bangladeshi police to band together and ruin my Christmas spirit. Well, fuck you guys, because this week marks the 30th World Peace Update and the last of the calendar year, meaning nothing you can do will bum me out now. Besides Friday’s apocalypse turning Earth into a smidgen of dust. But I suppose I’ll be dead before I notice that happening anyway.
So how exactly is the planet preparing for the rapture? Some are buying tons of non-perishable food, some are hiding in underground bunkers, and some are making trips to small French villages. Others, however, are far too busy rioting at wheelchair basketball matches, brawling with their fellow members of parliament, or bombing refugee camps to give a shit.