The Raelian UFO Cult Would Be Happy to Baptize Pope Francis
By now, you’ve probably heard that Pope Francis is cool with aliens. In an out of the blue nod to the possibility of extraterrestrial life, the Pontiff told a Vatican City audience this week that he would definitely baptize aliens, if they landed in St. Peter’s Square and asked for a forehead sprinkling. The way the Pope sees it, Catholic baptism is a lot like an open bar at the Star WarsCantina, where gays, atheists, unwanted children, and little green men can all receive the Holy Spirit (no droids though). Because, as he said this week, “who are we to close doors?”
“If—for example—tomorrow an expedition of Martians came, and some of them came to us, here,” the Pope half-joked in his homily. “Martians, right? Green, with that long nose and big ears, just like children paint them…. And one says, ‘But I want to be baptized!’ What would happen?”
The problem, naturally, is that aliens have no interest in being Catholic, at least according to the International Raelian Movement, a UFO religion whose followers believe humans were created by an advanced extraterrestrial species known as the Elohim. In fact, Raelian leaders are offended that the Pope would even suggest baptism.
“There will be no need to baptize those he calls ‘aliens’ when they decide to come back,” the movement’s founder and spiritual leader, Rael, said in a strongly worded statement Thursday. “They are the ones who created all religions on Earth, and they were mistakenly taken for gods. Instead of offering them baptism, the Pope will have to acknowledge that they are the gods he has been praying to all along.”