Hey, look, we made it into Tumblr’s Year in Review roundup of the top tumblr posts of 2013! We’re not entirely sure of how the top posts were chosen (we’re guessing that this list excludes all the artsy porno that makes checking the dashboard such an exciting gamble), but we couldn’t be happier to be on the list.
Click here and here to see the VICE posts featured in the Year in Review.
Now that I’m feigning adulthood, I truly thought the word slut was behind me. If I wake up next to someone different than the person I remember making out with the night before in some bar’s bathroom, I’m OK with it. It’s my decision and I’ve managed to surround myself with people who happen to be OK with it, too, so that the remnant guilt doesn’t make me feel hungover for days afterward. Yet, I find that the word slut is thrown around more carelessly than ever these days. Member of the European Parliament Godfrey Bloom called a room full of women “sluts” recently (earning him a booting from UK Independence Party), UK tabloids still think it’s OK to use it in their headlines, and I’m pretty sure I overheard my neighbor call her dog a slut the other day.
It’s 2013 and though some people are still using the term to shame one another, other, much better people, are attempting to address this, be it with hashtags, neologisms, or simply by running around London half naked.
Still, the word is as slippery as a used condom. Everyone has a different conception of what constitutes a slut these days, which makes it really hard to know when to be offended. To save confusion, here’s a brief guide to what certain breeds of people mean when they use the word slut in 2013.
WHEN ELDERLY RACISTS CALL YOU A SLUT Etymologically, slut comes from the word slattern, meaning “untidy” or “unclean.” This is what old people usually in the UK mean when they call you a slut. To use it in a sentence: “I find cigarette butts in my dishwasher ‘cause I live with a bunch of sluts,” or, “I have the detritus of a Domino’s Pizza crust in my belly button because I’m a filthy slut.” This is basically what Godfrey Bloom says he meant when he called a bunch of women sluts at that UK Independence Party (UKIP) conference, after they admitted—in mocking reference to a previous speech he’d made about the slobs who pass for women these days—that they didn’t “clean behind the fridge.” So it’s still misogynistic, but in a different way. Fair enough, Godfrey, but I’m keeping that pizza crust there just in case I get hungry later.
WHEN TEENAGER GIRLS CALL YOU A SLUT If there’s one thing I learned by attending an all-girls’ school, it’s that everyone’s a slut, to the point where the word becomes virtually redundant. The head teacher’s a slut. Your best friend’s a slut. The school cat that belongs to the caretaker is a slut. Whether or not you actually gave a guy a blowjob on the ferry ride back from that tenth-grade trip to France, you will get called a slut by any teenage girl who is insecure about her appearance and ability to navigate another human body, which is, oh, all of them, ever. You will also probably call another girl a slut at some point, because she was allowed to wear Steve Madden heels and a Victoria’s Secret thong and your mom wouldn’t let you have those, because she thought dressing you like that would make you look too slutty.
YouTube and VICE’s Creative Director Spike Jonze Want to Hear About Your Year in Music
YouTube and Spike Jonze are working on something big about music, and we want to know what your favorite songs, videos and artists of 2013 are. Here’s how you can take part:
1) Upload a 30-second video telling us what your favorite artists and music videos are (and why!) from this year. Put it on YouTube before August 12, 2013. 2) Be sure to title your video “Hi Spike” so we can find it. 3) IMPORTANT: Don’t include any copyrighted material you don’t own (that means music, logos and videos) Let us know what we NEED to know about music in 2013. We’ll watch every video that gets submitted, and we might be asking some of you for additional help—so subscribe to stay tuned on what we’re up to.
Edward Snowden is currently acting out his own real-life version of Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? as he jumps from exotic locale to exotic locale, leaving a trail of American state secrets and public dissent over the whole “The US government is spying on everyone” thing in his wake. Accompanying him as he attempts to evade both the media the clutches of the American security state is Sarah Harrison of WikiLeaks. Now WikiLeaks has taken the step of announcing that Edward Snowden is safe and sound (and not in the hands of the Russians, as some have suspected), and the international anti-secrecy nonprofit is going to continue to help him seek political asylum anywhere that will have him.
Meanwhile, Bradley Manning, who before Snowden’s emergence was the most famous government whistleblower associated with WikiLeaks, remains behind bars after pleading guilty to a host of criminal charges stemming from leaking hundreds of thousands of classified documents as well as videos, including the infamous “Collateral Murder” video that shows an American military helicopter firing on, and murdering, three journalists. For his WikiLeaks-aided information dumps, Manning spent over three years in prison without going to trial, during which time he was tortured.
Some things that I like/love/am emotionally huggled by are forever: gelatin-based candy products, touching my hair, Charlie Rose, maps (but not for art; don’t do that), texture of any kind, freedom. Some things are, in keeping with my generation’s tendencies toward fleeting preoccupations and quicksilver affections, only if wildly interesting for a half-minute. And there will be among these “things” some themes and constants that emerge, but, here in “Obseshes” (RIP Girl News) let’s talk about some stuff to like, to love, and to be obsessed with, for real but just for right now. Well, maybe for longer, but that doesn’t matter. OK? OK.
Obviously Christmas and the following day-et-ceteras of Boxing Week are rilly, rilly unappealing and the bitterest mall-culture molasses. I am an extraordinary apologist for a lot of gnarly mainstream concepts/habits, because it/they makes me feel cozy and at home in an after-school-innocence kind of way, but I will not abide the thing of going on purpose to a parking-jail and then a room-jail and then a lineups-jail and then you use your crispy fresh Xmas cash for crumpled cardboard products because they are “off”? And then probs get some gum or whatever with the change? Like, no. But, but: I still feel the serotonin valley of entering icy daylight after a week or more of a present-oriented vacation (and, look, I barely even get presents because I’m an adult-person and maybe the deservedly least popular person in my family) and am also weak so am instituting a new thing where January 1st is for – it is for – silent, contemplative online shopping where you are to consider and purchase what you want for you, without the horrible tremors of other people’s ideas of you, and without the instant paper-gnashing gratification, and without the beautifully lit retail influence of what you might want even though you don’t. (Shopping websites are still ugly in that they are still “websites” (all websites are ugly; don’t forget) so it’s easier to know what’s what.) OK so that’s what I liked doing this year and what I will do next year is buy a something-something for my own self with whatever non-amount of money I have left and then three days later it shows up and I can convince myself that real life does not exist for one, two, three seconds longer.
The little ghosty Snapchat guy with his little tongue! I mean: ??? If he had his own brand of cereal I would totally buy it. Can you just look at him for a second and then come back? Also: yellow. What? What is yellow? Let’s look at him again. Is he why kids like Snapchat so much?
SWEATSHIRTS WITH STUFF ON THEM
Totally, recently dubious about those Balenciaga jobbies with the galaxy-spaceship-outer-space-sci-fi-metal-band-logo vibers, because every time I’ve seen a girl wearing one she looks sad and pissed and like she is in on a joke all by herself. (Is anything sadder?) However, I feel differently about those Kenzo tiger ones (they’ve been out for a while, or were out and were quickly revived, I dunno, but let’s make amends with each other about judging novelty fashion for being three minutes—but just three minutes—past ubiquity or expiry, OK?) (especially because novelty fashion via the Opening Ceremony BFFers who did them for Kenzo is more likely than most collabos/takeovers to be pretty good; consider Vision Streetwear/Chloe Sevigny).
But so anyway. They are so cute! And the notion of a printed, embroidered, whatevered sweatshirt proper—not a Bedazzled hoodie or screen-printed t-shirt or a ripped-up tank, which at this point has in its stylistic devolution become the clothes equiv of just vomiting and leaving it there, maybe rubbing it in a little—is so wise and nice. What is more transformative after so much torn-up punk simulacra than a sixth grade puffy-armed sweatshirt with a thing on the front? Can you just feel your bike seat under your butt, all warm from the sun it got while you were in math? Those tight cuffs and those crew necks and, oh, that formlessness (!) is like biting into a strawberry marshmallow over and over and over again. Into it. Into it so much! Since I live in Canada I might take it another step and wear it over a heart-patterned turtleneck, what do you think?
The year 2012 didn’t end up being the apocalyptic Mayan bloodbath we all expected. So, since we’re all going to be dicking around here for a while longer, what can we expect from 2013? To answer this question we called our go-to for all things mystical, Tara Greene, who once warned us to keep our technology safe duringMercury Retrograde. I asked her to do a Tarot reading for 2013 and what she came up with was not reassuring: Positive energy through February, but a strong possibility for war in March; things get better through August, though there’s a chance of flooding; peace talks in September, but total economic breakdown in October; picking up the pieces in November only to be completely disappointed in December. Sounds bad, right? We asked Tara more about what’s going to happen this year and whether or not we’re completely fucked.
VICE: Your reading for 2013 seems bleak. Is there any hope? Tara Greene: There are three things you need to remember. First, April is a very interesting card. It’s called the Wishing Card and it’s at the root of this whole chart. It says that what you believe or what you wish for is how you’re going to influence events in the world, so people need to stay very positive. Second, the thirteenth card indicates a sense of everybody having to pull together, everybody having to give up something to keep the whole economy and the world running. Finally, there are two major cards in this reading and that signifies a sense of extreme diplomacy, people working together, that sense of duality, communication, choices—major choices going on in this year as well.
So it seems to me that 2013 will set the stage for 2014. There won’t be much finality to 2013; there will be a lot more questions asked than answers given, correct? Yes. It’ll be a very big rollercoaster. We’re going into the year of the snake. The undulations of the snake very much describe the rhythm of this coming year. And the snake is a very ancient symbol of rebirth, so there will be a shedding of the old skin; the rebirth of the new. I would say that’s a very good, positive symbol for this year.
What’s happening is the world is in a midlife crisis and the whole spirit of the breakdown of corporations, of culture of the old systems and innovation, of revolution, of freedom, it’s very much on the front burner beginning in 2011 all the way to 2015. So we’re going to see things break down further and further and further. But the danger is that it’s already becoming very fascist, so the big powers that want to hold onto their power are going to push back and resist harder and harder. What we can see with people in the streets with Idle No More and Occupy, those are just the beginning stages of more and more revolution going on in the world.
Also, if you look at 2013 numerologically, the number 13 in the Tarot is the symbol of death and rebirth. So the numerology and the Chinese symbols are overlapping again in the sense that the old has to go, but it’s a difficult birth. People are making it difficult—they’re not going with the flow, they’re not going with the change, and the Earth changes and all the climate changes are part of that, forcing people to change the way they look at the world, how we’ve been used to living all this year, we’ve been living in a big bubble for a long time.
Let’s move on to more specific things. Where is the best place to be, physically, on the Earth this year? I would say that people need to definitely be away from coastal waters. There are going to be more tsunamis and more hurricanes and tornadoes and all that stuff, so I think the more inland you are, the better. In terms of good energy, nothing comes immediately. Iceland is a good place to be. Australia, no. Any country where eclipses fall over the country—those are not good places to be. All I can see for 2013 is huge upheavals everywhere. So in terms of good energy I would say the best energy place to be is in your own heart. Be meditative, be clear, be calm, be secure inside of oneself so wherever you go, you’ll be protected.
And how about fashion trends? There’s going to be a lot of bright, lovely, heart-centered colors like pinks and greens, which are heart chakra colors. And a lot of gray. So two styles, very optimistic, very 60s inspired as well as other very technical, very sombre gray suits, very tailored. So again, a sense of dichotomies.
And what about music trends? Everything is going to stay about the same.