The War on Kids – Weediquette
This is the story of Jesse Snodgrass, a kid with Asperger’s syndrome who was arrested by an undercover cop posing as a student at Jesse’s high school. This is the story of how the war on drugs preys on the most vulnerable.
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My Return to Weed After Years of Being a Bourgeois Suburban Mom
On the first night of my return to smoking pot, after the kids are asleep, my husband tells me, “I think you’re good; you can probably stop now.” I look down and find I’ve blown through half the joint I’ve been nervously puffing at like a cigarette. I’m annoyed with him for micromanaging me because I am not at all stoned—and then, of course, I am in an instant waaaaaayyyyy toooooooo stoned and grateful for his kindness in a mute, fairly immobile way.
As I wonder (fuzzily, not entirely silently) at the extreme potency of the marijuana I have just smoked, I notice that the remote I’m holding is pointed at the Amazon on Demand screen, and it’s frankly terrifying to realize that inside the neon-bright little boxes—boxes that move, to my awe and horror—are hundreds of movies, and the whole thing is organized in a way that I cannot parse but that I know is based on my preferences. MACHINE, MY PREFERENCE IS TO HAVE ONE PERFECT MOVIE ON THIS TV. I don’t want to look at hundreds of titles, many of which are cartoons or shows my children like, which is sending me into a guilty, bad-mothering place. (NO, I DO NOT WANT TO WATCH DORA THE EXPLORER, AMAZON, YOU GUILT-TRIPPING ASSHOLE!)
“I’m kinda lost here,” I mumble to my husband. He thinks I’m joking. I toss the remote at him, hunch further into the couch, and wait for my magic movie to appear on the magic box. Mad Men! Over the next week, as I watch my regular shows stoned, I’ll come to understand how wooden and artificial most dialogue is, but Mad Men really holds up and deepens, you guys! I audibly groan during instances of sexism, my husband looks over at me, and I feel a little self-conscious because I think I am mouth breathing. The pauses are so pregnant on this show! About halfway through the episode, I look down at the Google doc I have open and realize there is no reason for me to be recapping and analyzing the show as I am, and also that I am not good at typing while stoned.
Why Stoners Should Want to Implement the New Weed Breathalyzer
Yesterday, Kayla Ruble of VICE News reported on the rapid progress of weed breathalyzer technology
. It seems that as enforcement of the prohibition on marijuana slowly grinds to a halt, cops have to turn from hassling people just for having weed, to hassling people because they used it before they got behind the wheel.
The thing is though, this is as it should be. If stoners know what’s good for them, they need to push for an accurate and sane field pot test to be implemented in all jurisdictions.
The test that’s making news this week, the Cannabix Breathalyzer, was invented by retired Canadian Mounty Kal Malhi, who complained to his local paper, The Province, that “Young people have no fear of driving after smoking.”
Noticing the lack of a practical solution to the problem, he developed his device at home in Vancouver. It’s similar in appearance and operation to an alcohol breathalyzer. In fact, it’s too similar. It should be green or something, but cops are notorious for having no design sense.
But ugly or not, it offers a major benefit for stoners: It detects stoned drivers, not just drivers who have smoked weed lately. The Cannabix is only supposed to bust you if you’ve smoked in the past two hours.
Food Tips for 4/20
“Feel da riddim!”—Bob Marley (Born: 4/20/1945 – Died: 4/20/1981)
EDITOR’S NOTE: This article has been edited to comply with MUNCHIES’ stringent anti-marijuana policy.
4/20 is upon us, and y’all know what that means. Whether it falls on a miserable Monday or a sunny Saturday, 4/20 is the day when millions of artists, teenagers, and white-dread donning New England college students congregate to smoke tons and tons of
weed tobacco. Here are some quick tips on how to celebrate and eat right while getting mad blazed smoking two packs of cigarettes on this special day.
Preparation should begin before the big day itself. Instead of buying expensive 4/20 decorations from the store this year, we decided to make some of our own. After a year of follicular growth, the holiday’s customary dreadlock wreath can easily be thrown together for the price of a pair of scissors.
Once the day is underway, make sure you have plenty of delicious edibles and drinkables. Adding bong water to boba (or bubble tea to you n00bs) really gives an interesting kick to this classic Thai libation. However, much like infusing drinks with alcohol, you do have to worry about the risk of drinking and driving with this “THC tea” (but, its cool—I can totally drive better when I’m high not thirsty anyway).
How-To: Make Sous Vide Pot Butter
Everyone knows how to make a basic weed butter. We took New York chef, David Santos of Louro, to Denver, Colorado to show us how to make sous vide pot butter. He then used it to create the best marijuana meal the world has ever seen: perfectly roasted chicken with sautéed wild mushrooms and a pain perdu from the weed—ahem—pan drippings.
Just in time for Easter
Canada Is Forcing Medical Marijuana Patients to Destroy Their Weed
On Friday, the ideal time for any government to release bad news, Health Canada issued a public statement outlining their new medical marijuana (or as they often refer to it,marihuana) system. In it, Health Canada explains that they do “not endorse the use of marijuana” while adding that they will be “taking the necessary steps to protect public safety while providing reasonable access to marijuana for medical purposes, as ordered by the Courts.”
When these new laws go into effect on April 1st, existing medical marijuana patients will no longer be able to grow their own weed. Instead, these roughly 40,000 registered Canadian marijuana patients will have to turn to corporate, legal grow-ops that are being built and regulated all across the country. This means that patients will have much higher costs (Canada’s new legal grows will charge these patients $5-$7.50 a gram), while also being provided with a more limited selection of cannabis.
Police seizing a big bunch of weed in Humboldt County, where residents dependent on sales of (illegal) marijuana are divided on the subject of legalization.
I Used to be a Scientologist, Now I Help People Out of Cults by Smoking Weed
Dennis Erlich (pictured above, in a weird hat) was the original guy who exposed the craziness of Scientology on the internet. A member since 1967 and later a minister, he started to rebel against the church in the mid-80s. In the early 90s, he began issuing a newsletter called InFormer, exposing the secrets of Scientology.
He became the original internet censorship case in 1994 when he scanned pages of Scientology texts to an online newsgroup, telling the wider world about Thetans and Xenu for the very first time. In 1995 a federal judge permitted Scientologists to raid his house, a video of which can be seen here
Since then he’s been helping people get back to normal life after being in cults, mainly through smoking marijuana. If you’ve just left a cult, his InFormer Ministry Collective
is probably the best place to learn how real life works, whilst also learning how to get super stoned and grow your own weed.
VICE: When you were Minister in Scientology, were you aware you were in a cult?
Dennis Erlich: I thought I was part of a team that was saving the world.
What happened to change your mind?
In 1968 Hubbard established the Sea Org
. They started sending their military missions into the organizations where I was in LA. The very first time these uniformed military types came into the organization they had all of us line up against a wall in the basement. Three uniformed, very fit individuals walked in. The tallest one opened up his jacket, revealing a .45 tucked under his arm. He pulled out a Nazi dagger, with a swastika on it, and flung it into the ceiling above him. Then said in a loud voice, “This organization is now under Sea-Org control.” We had to stay all night. A lot of the things in Scientology knock down the barrier that separates what you’re willing to accept and not.
Weediquette: Kings of Cannabis
You might not know who Arjan Roskam is, but you’ve probably smoked his weed. Arjan’s been breeding some of the most famous marijuana strains in the world—like White Widow, Super Silver Haze, and many others—for over 20 years.
In 1992 he opened his first coffee shop in Amsterdam and has since crafted his marijuana-breeding skills into a market-savvy empire known as Green House Seed Company, which rakes in millions of dollars a year.
He’s won 38 Cannabis Cups, and has even dubbed himself the King of Cannabis.
VICE joins Arjan and his crew of strain hunters in Colombia to look for three of the country’s rarest types of weed, strains that have remained genetically pure for decades. In grower’s terms, these are called “landraces.” We trudge up mountains and crisscross military checkpoints in the country’s still-violent south, and then head north to the breathtaking Caribbean coast. As the dominoes of criminalization fall throughout the world, Arjan is positioned to be at the forefront of the legitimate international seed trade.
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