The Atheist Movement Needs to Disown Richard Dawkins
Atheist author, biologist, pioneer of the term “meme,” and noted sexist curmudgeon Richard Dawkins let fly a firestorm of tweets about rape this past Friday. Those, along with his statements from the past couple of years about this and other issues, make for pretty strong evidence that Dawkins is no longer the figuredhead the atheist movement needs or deserves.
A woman was alleging that a man raped her when she was too drunk to give consent, and Dawkins’ immediate response was the mainstay of all conservatives: what if she’s lying? Plenty of Dawkins’ Twitter followers agreed with him. It’s her word against his, they cried. Rape accusations are serious business, they cried.
Yes, rape accusations are serious business. Actually, accusing anyone of a crime, especially a violent crime, is serious business. That’s why we have court systems in place that determine, to the best of their abilities, whether a given accusation is most likely true or false. We have this for virtually every crime. So why are Dawkins and his ilk so preoccupied about false accusations of rape in a world full of false accusations?
69 Loves Denim Like We Love To 69
Denim is universal, and so is 69. No, not the position but the brand, the symbol, and the name behind the designer who is creating full denim collections made for everyone. This anonymous designer has been creating non-demographic denim since the brand launched in 2011. People have been going apeshit since the first 69 collection sold at Assembly New York, and in an industry where image is everything, forgoing fame is a true testament of character. 69 can’t be anonymous forever but can at least keep his or her unnamed integrity for now.
How to Have Terrible Sex
Last week, a Spanish couple got caught having sex in a bank booth between an ATM and a glass panel. By “caught” I mean pedestrians were walking by and couldn’t help but see a naked body wearing black socks atop another naked body wearing black socks through very clear glass, and then ruining the fun by tweeting and calling the cops.
At first glance this seems uncomfortable and overly risky. On second thought though, something motivated this couple to have sex in the foyer of a bank for all the world to see. Maybe payday came early, or there wasn’t a withdrawal fee even though they bank with someone else.
Even if you think bank sex is a horrible idea—and I wholeheartedly agree—it’s just not as bad as some of the awful sex we have in our homes. We already told you how to have better sex this year, but that’s not enough. Some of the things we associate with sex really ought not be, because frankly they’re weighing sex down. If we put an end to some of these practices, maybe even the ATM couple will find a more sensible path to ecstasy.
Sex in the Shower
Hey you know what’s better than sex on a comfortable bed? Sex in the cold, cramped corner of the room where you also poop. Sex in the shower is never fun. There are no comfortable positions, and it feels worse because water decreases lubrication. There’s also a very good chance you’ll slip and crack your head open then get made fun of on endless blogs for dying during shower sex. Or, even worse, you’ll live and TLC will reenact it. Even when shower sex is basically working, at some point you’re going to notice that the water has been awkwardly blasting the same part of your body too long, and it’s getting red and sore.
We’re all so used to chuckling every time we hear 69 that it’s easy to forget that the integer itself is connected to something, and not just two intrinsically hilarious digits. It’s a sex number. A sex number that, for straight couples at least, signifies the absolute worst sex position of all time. When I’m getting eaten out I want to actually enjoy being eaten out. I don’t want a dick in my face while it’s happening. I can’t focus on my own pleasure if I have to work on pleasing someone else while it’s happening.
Calling it “69” never made sense either. I personally would have gone with “sad anchovies” or “tragic conjoined twins who won’t survive.”
Is he trying to entice you into some “69-ing”? How about suggesting some “1997-ing”! That’s the thing where you sit across from each other and listen to Sugar Ray until his boner kills itself.
— How to Stay a Virgin