What Sort of Person Hates Obama? 
Congrats to Obama! But before you start planning your Obamarama dinner party, take a moment to consider the forgotten and distressed. Although in your bubble of liberalism you might think that everyone would be thrilled about America’s gradual progression towards a political system which might actually do something right someday, in fact large swathes of America are furious about it.
It doesn’t seem right, after such a win for democracy and liberalism, to mock those less fortunate than ourselves, so I’ve compiled a selection of tweets that can help us to empathize with Republicans everywhere, as well as to answer the question: What sort of person hates Barack Obama?

Maria likes:- #Bieber2012- Time off school- Louis Vuitton trainers- The snack Reeses Peanut Butter Cups- Special effects make-up- The Bible- Louis from pop band One Direction

Trisha Paytas likes:- YouTube- Her breasts- Being a mix of “Woody Allen and your local hooker”- Catholicism- Candles- Tall Men- Christina Aguilera’s hair- The idea of being entirely supported by an oil tycoon 

Ted Nugent likes:- God- Hunting- Taking pictures of dead things- Venison jerky- Pictures of women holding guns- Slaughtering pigs from helicopters with machine guns
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What Sort of Person Hates Obama? 

Congrats to Obama! But before you start planning your Obamarama dinner party, take a moment to consider the forgotten and distressed. Although in your bubble of liberalism you might think that everyone would be thrilled about America’s gradual progression towards a political system which might actually do something right someday, in fact large swathes of America are furious about it.

It doesn’t seem right, after such a win for democracy and liberalism, to mock those less fortunate than ourselves, so I’ve compiled a selection of tweets that can help us to empathize with Republicans everywhere, as well as to answer the question: What sort of person hates Barack Obama?


Maria likes:
- #Bieber2012
- Time off school
- Louis Vuitton trainers
- The snack Reeses Peanut Butter Cups
- Special effects make-up
- The Bible
- Louis from pop band One Direction

Trisha Paytas likes:
- YouTube
- Her breasts
- Being a mix of “Woody Allen and your local hooker”
- Catholicism
- Candles
- Tall Men
- Christina Aguilera’s hair
- The idea of being entirely supported by an oil tycoon

 

Ted Nugent likes:
- God
- Hunting
- Taking pictures of dead things
- Venison jerky
- Pictures of women holding guns
- Slaughtering pigs from helicopters with machine guns

Continue


Dear readers,
My name is Jamie Taete and I write for VICE. Just before 8 PM on Saturday evening, an email entitled “Donald Trump is obsessed with Jamie Taete” landed in my inbox.
The sender was someone called “Peterbd”—a name I didn’t recognize. As you can imagine, this was fairly disorientating for me.
So I’m gonna do what I always do when I find something confusing and creepy—post an unedited version of it here for your amusement.
Best,
JLCT
DEAR VICE - DONALD TRUMP IS OBSESSED WITH JAMIE TAETE
'jamie taete aint about that life'

'fuck you jamie taete. motherfuck you and everybody you know'

' jamie taete has hair that isn't atrocious. fuck him'

'you see this unfinished building i'm pointing to? this building is gonna be turned into a 5 star hotel. i'm a successful business man. i get money. what has jamie taete done for society besides being chill and funny. oh my god. fuck that guy'

'IF JAMIE TAETE AUDITIONS FOR THE APPRENTICE I'M GOING TO HIRE HIM JUST SO I CAN SCREAM 'YOUR FIRED' AT HIM. I'M GOING TO SCREAM THIS AT HIM AND I'M GOING TO GET SATISFACTION FROM SCREAMING THIS AT HIM. HE AINT BUILT TO BE MY APPRENTICE. HE AINT BUILT TO BE MY RIGHT HAND MAN. HE DON'T KNOW THE WORK I PUT INTO THIS. I'M CASHIN OUT. I'M COUNTIN STACKS. GET ON MY LEVEL JAMIE TAETE OR GTFOH!'

'peep my smile jamie taete. peep my double chin. peep my confusing hair choices. peep my discolored skin. peep my boring fashin sense. wanna date me? i have hotels in atlantic city. we could go on a date there. fuck you if you say no'
- - - - -
Dear Peterbd,
I’m not entirely sure why you have sent me this. I assume it’s some kind of wacky internet art. But, generally, I never get sent anything but press releases about Las Vegas-based DJs. So in that sense, I guess I better thank you.
Unfortunately, I just googled you to try to figure out what your deal is and you appear to be some kind of super-mysterious, internet alt-lit-type person. That in mind, I regret to inform you that I definitely cannot spare any more than one minute trying to “figure you out.” I have very little patience for “alt-lit,” and when it exists on the internet, where anyone can write about whatever they want for however many words they want, it’s pretty much my worst nightmare.
- Jamie Taete
PS, if you know of a way I can stop getting five press releases a day about DJs from Las Vegas, please lemme know.
Follow Jamie on Twitter: @JLCT
Previously: Dear VICE - I Think You Got Me Fired

Dear readers,

My name is Jamie Taete and I write for VICE. Just before 8 PM on Saturday evening, an email entitled “Donald Trump is obsessed with Jamie Taete” landed in my inbox.

The sender was someone called “Peterbd”—a name I didn’t recognize. As you can imagine, this was fairly disorientating for me.

So I’m gonna do what I always do when I find something confusing and creepy—post an unedited version of it here for your amusement.

Best,

JLCT


DEAR VICE - DONALD TRUMP IS OBSESSED WITH JAMIE TAETE

'jamie taete aint about that life'

'fuck you jamie taete. motherfuck you and everybody you know'

' jamie taete has hair that isn't atrocious. fuck him'

'you see this unfinished building i'm pointing to? this building is gonna be turned into a 5 star hotel. i'm a successful business man. i get money. what has jamie taete done for society besides being chill and funny. oh my god. fuck that guy'

'IF JAMIE TAETE AUDITIONS FOR THE APPRENTICE I'M GOING TO HIRE HIM JUST SO I CAN SCREAM 'YOUR FIRED' AT HIM. I'M GOING TO SCREAM THIS AT HIM AND I'M GOING TO GET SATISFACTION FROM SCREAMING THIS AT HIM. HE AINT BUILT TO BE MY APPRENTICE. HE AINT BUILT TO BE MY RIGHT HAND MAN. HE DON'T KNOW THE WORK I PUT INTO THIS. I'M CASHIN OUT. I'M COUNTIN STACKS. GET ON MY LEVEL JAMIE TAETE OR GTFOH!'

'peep my smile jamie taete. peep my double chin. peep my confusing hair choices. peep my discolored skin. peep my boring fashin sense. wanna date me? i have hotels in atlantic city. we could go on a date there. fuck you if you say no'

- - - - -

Dear Peterbd,

I’m not entirely sure why you have sent me this. I assume it’s some kind of wacky internet art. But, generally, I never get sent anything but press releases about Las Vegas-based DJs. So in that sense, I guess I better thank you.

Unfortunately, I just googled you to try to figure out what your deal is and you appear to be some kind of super-mysterious, internet alt-lit-type person. That in mind, I regret to inform you that I definitely cannot spare any more than one minute trying to “figure you out.” I have very little patience for “alt-lit,” and when it exists on the internet, where anyone can write about whatever they want for however many words they want, it’s pretty much my worst nightmare.

- Jamie Taete

PS, if you know of a way I can stop getting five press releases a day about DJs from Las Vegas, please lemme know.

Follow Jamie on Twitter: @JLCT

Previously: Dear VICE - I Think You Got Me Fired