Cannibal Cop and the Freedom to Have Fucked-Up Fantasies
As every middle schooler knows, the internet is a repository of strange shit. A few casual keystrokes can take you to Goatse, Lemon Party, Cake Farts, and a dozen other weird porn memes. A few more clicks and you can find photos of mass graves, diseased genitals, rotting animal corpses teeming with maggots, open wounds festering and dripping with pus. Most hardened internet denizens laugh (or turn away in disgust) and move on when confronted with the web’s dark corners, but occasionally, people end up curling up inside them and making a home.
That’s one way to describe what happened to Gilberto Valle, the tabloid-famous “Cannibal Cop” who just had his conviction for plotting to kidnap, kill, and eat a bunch of women overturned by a judge who ruled that all of the online discussions he had with others about murder and vorefantasies were just that: fantasies.
“Once the lies and the fantastical elements are stripped away, what is left are deeply disturbing misogynistic chats and emails written by an individual obsessed with imagining women he knows suffering horrific sex-related pain, terror and degradation,” Judge Paul Gardephe wrote in an opinion released Monday night that sided with the defense. “Despite the highly disturbing nature of Valle’s deviant and depraved sexual interests, his chats and emails about these interests are not sufficient—standing alone—to make out the elements of conspiracy to commit kidnapping.”
Whipped Cream Is Child’s Play in the World of Sploshing
Germophobes and bakers might find it difficult to comprehend the world of Wet and Messy (WAM), a type of fetishism that usually involves someone spending the better half of an evening rubbing vanilla-scented cake batter all over their junk. But it’s not just liquid pastry items that get certain people hot and bothered: food, mud, slime, and any other goopey concoctions teetering on health code violations fall under the wide umbrella of liquid festishes out there. It’s a vague concept for a seemingly unending niche of sexual desires. Since I’m a huge fan of cake batter, I started exploring UMD, a WAM fetish forum site that helps you “stay messy with friends,” where I played guess the fetish with people’s profile pictures (batter smeared on tits = up my alley) in attempts to locate a couple who like get down by playing with their food.
After browsing through some of the videos and photos on the site, I quickly realized that my half-assed explorations into whipped cream and chocolate were total childs play. Most of the people I chatted with were surprisingly helpful and happy to talk about their fetishes, which is how I found Mary (also known as Mud Bunny) and Tyler, a WAM couple who make adult food fetish videos under the name Mud Bunny Studios. Picture activities like sitting on multi-colored cake batter pies and being doused in buckets of cream, batter, or custard, and you’ve fallen into an X-rated Paula Deen scenario. I spoke with Mary and Tyler about the food fetish side of the WAM community, what it’s like to be in a WAM relationship, and learning about the bond that is forged from fucking (literally) with food.
This Danish Guy Has Legal Sex with His Dog
It hasn’t been long since the Copenhagen Zoo pissed off the entire internet by turning a young, healthy giraffe named Marius into lion food. But last week, they were at it again,killing four lions to make room for a new male lion.
The zoo’s enthusiasm for culling healthy animals underscores Denmark’s unique approach to animal rights. For example,a it’s illegal to buy a pit bull in the country, but completelylegal to have sex with a dog, or any other animal, as long as you aren’t torturing it. There have been multiple attempts to criminalize zoophilia, but nothing has been done yet—presumably because none of the major political parties seem to think that having sex with animals is that big of a deal.
A number of animal rights groups don’t share the Danish political class’s breezy apathy and have warned that Denmark is becoming a prime destination for animal sex tourism. The thing is, there’s not a lot of evidence to support the activists’ claims—onlysome websites set up by various Danes demanding that lawmakers clamp down on zoophiles and “beasts” (as proponents of bestiality are called by people who know about that sort of thing).
To find out more, I logged onto Beast Forum, a popular zoophilia message board and apparently a great place to go if you want to borrow a dog from a stranger for an evening of consensual love-making. On the boards I met a 29-year-old I’ll call “Michael,” and spoke to him about his country’s attitude towards having sex with animals.
VICE: How did you realize that sex with animals turned you on?
Michael: It started when I was 14 or 15 years old. I grew up in the countryside, so I’d often seen animals mating, and that made me curious.
When did you first act on that curiosity?
A couple of years ago. I’d talked about animal sex with a female friend and she got curious about it. She had her own dog, and one day she let the dog take her. She told me about it the next day, and we went to her place and I got to watch. And, later, to try it myself. The dog looked interested in me, so I let it take me.
What is it about animals that turns you on?
It’s difficult to explain. They’re more honest and, well, more animal-like. If a dog likes you, there’s no doubt about it. Contrary to what people think, an animal can easily say no if it doesn’t want to have sex with you. I guess some animals are just beautiful and lovely to be with.
Which species turn you on in particular?
Mostly dogs. Horses a bit as well. And, with dogs, specifically collies, labradors, and German shepherds. They’re beautiful dogs. Most of my experiences have been with dogs, but I also caressed a mare once.
Have you ever heard of iatronudia? It is, according to places like Urban Dictionary, “a paraphilia involving sexual attraction to medical staff and doctors.” Inspired by that, here’s a fashion shoot showcasing people pretending to be sick/injured in order to get naked in front of healthcare professionals. It’s called “Do Me, Doctor.”
Scally Lads Are Gay Brits Who Like to Smell Stinky Socks and Have Sex in Tracksuits
Deep within the fist-stretched bowels of the gay fetish scene, Britain’s working class and their budget sportswear chic have become objects of sexual fascination. Tracksuit bottoms tucked into white socks, sneakers, caps, hoodies, and clunky Argos gold are all eroticized by scally gear fetishists.
Sites such as Sketboy.com and Sneakersex.net feature guys who look like your local skunk dealer, fucking and jizzing in each other’s sneakers. The gay porn production company Triga Films produces comically titled bluecollar porn called things like Dads ’n’ Lads: Council House and Job Seeker’s Allowance: Extra Benefits, while UK Scally Lads has a web shop selling the cum-stained sports gear used in each photoshoot. There are hookup sites, too. FitLads.net and Trackies.com are strewn with profile pictures that look like mug shots pulled from the vaults of Merseyside Police’s Anti-Social Behavior Taskforce. Shaven-headed guys scowl into the camera, accessorizing cans of lager with Staffordshire bull terriers.
Nobody Wants to Talk About Bestiality Until Somebody Fucks a Horse
On July 2, 2005, Kenneth Pinyan was dropped off by an unidentified man in the emergency room of the sleepy Enumclaw Community Hospital, about 25 miles outside of Tacoma, Washington. By the time doctors reached him, he had died of a perforated colon. When police began to investigate the death, following the trail of events that had led Pinyan to the hospital that summer day, they found themselves balls deep in a ring of bestiality the likes of which Washington State had never seen.
As it turned out, Pinyan had sustained his injury while letting a horse have sex with his ass on a farm outside of Enumclaw. After tracking down the man who dropped Pinyan at the hospital, authorities found and searched the farm where he’d sustained his injury and discovered a videotape of the act, along with over a hundred others depicting men having sex with or receiving sex from various farm animals (aside from horses, there were violations of goats, sheep, and chickens), taken by a man named James Michael Tait, who lived nearby. Confronted with the sheer scale and duration of the videos, police and reporters alike swallowed their discomfort and dove into the world of zoophile chatrooms and websites. After a little digging, it became clear that the Enumclaw farm was known in the community as a major bestiality brothel.
But when police tried to charge Tait with a crime, they realized that Washington did not have any laws on the books prohibiting the ungodly union between man and beast. The best they could tag him with was trespassing, resulting in one year of probation, a $300 fine, and one day of community service.
Humans Have a Long History of Eating Each Other
People who eat people are generally not considered “good people.” If you have any doubts, spend an afternoon searching the world wide web and peruse the “Cannibal Top Ten Lists,” which are occupied by the Milwaukee Monster Jeffrey Dahmer, Japanese exchange student Issei Sagawa, and child-killer Albert Fish. And news of the insane and psychopathic hits our home pages on the regular, such as the recent story of a hotel restaurant in Nigeria shut down by police for serving human flesh as an “expensive treat.”
The dispatches we have from a pre-internet era are no different. With the torch lit by Greek historian Herodotus in the 5th century B.C., carried on by the likes of Captain Cook and his crewin the Pacific, and still not yet extinguished by those traveling through Africa in the early twentieth century, a significant portion of European history is dedicated to documenting encounters with the bloodthirsty man-eaters of the far corners of the globe.
Tinged with varying degrees of racism, many of these accounts are just xenophobic hearsay. A surprising number, however, have actually been verified as true.
In an era when fetish was still an anthropological term and men’s magazines relied on code words like specialty and mature, a pioneering Armenian pornographer with an unerring instinct for cultural taboos was busy inventing his own daring adult genre. Though his name is no longer mentioned alongside Hefner and Flynt, Milt Abdjourian’s bold, single-minded dedication to fabric, attire, and hyper-specialized contextual perversion lives on in dozens of colorful titles and still-provocative covers.
Assaad Awad’s Special-Order Bondage Gear
Assaad Awad makes fashion that scares the living shit out of people. This Lebanese-born, Madrid-based designer spent 14 years in advertising before quitting to open up his own workshop, and today he specializes in outfits and accessories that wouldn’t be out of place in a Flash Gordon villain’s filthy rape basement.
Assaad has made reflective gold and silver armor for a Thierry Mugler Paris Fashion Week show, a dress made out of wood for Lady Gaga, and ancient Egyptian-esque crowns for Madonna’s 2012 Super Bowl halftime performance. He also crafts bondage gear for a less famous and much odder private clientele, which is mostly what I wanted to talk to him about when I met him (at his suggestion) in the cellar of a Madrid fetish shop.
VICE: How does someone raised in a very conservative country like Lebanon become a luxury fetish designer?
Assaad Awad: It doesn’t matter where you’re born—if the fetish is inside you it will come out at some point in your life. You simply cannot hide it. It will come out sooner or later. And sooner is better, because we only live once.
What’s sex like in Lebanon?
There’s a lot of respect. It’s like cooking in a microwave versus three hours on a low flame—the way it tastes is better, you get to where you want to be, and everything explodes.
I’m not sure I get what you mean.
In Europe, you go out for a drink, you get tipsy, flirt with someone, take them home, have sex, and don’t even ask for his or her name. That is microwave sex. On the other hand, because of the taboos in the Arab world, fetish sex [in Lebanon] has a totally different approach. It is cooked on coal, the old-fashioned way. As we all know, the longer you cook on a low flame, the more the taste is enhanced. This is the way it’s done where I come from. You heat up your partner, meet them more than once, and then invite him or her to taste your recipe. That’s what I call a hot dish.