“Being a strong black man (or any man) has nothing to do with what you wear or who you fuck, but whether or not you have the will power to stay true to yourself. If that means wearing a dress, then so be it.”
You’re a Pussy if You Think There’s a War on Men
For some men, women—especially feminists—are terrifying. Not in the normal oh-my-God-I-can’t-ask-her-out-what-if-she-says-no way that middle schoolers and characters on Friends experience, but “afraid” in the sense that women will take their money, try to get pregnant on purpose, invent false rape claims, and use feminism to generally abuse men. In this narrative, men are either an oppressed minority (or about to become one), or have to “fight back” against feminists to preserve their rights.
If you want to see what this kind of thinking looks like, take a dip into the river of the Men’s Rights section of Reddit, where a bunch of dudes go to complain about getting raped by women and talk gibberish about how their “clans” are getting attacked by “Statism and Feminism.” Currently, some of the most popular posts on the subreddit include a complaint about how if you owe more than $2,500 in child support payments you can’t get a passport (in the Men’s Rights universe, deadbeat dads are often victims of a misandrist court system); adiscussion, inspired by a Walking Dead plot point, about how getting beaten up is worse than being threatened with rape; an account of some guy squabbling with an obscure feminist blogger (these guys are always getting into internet beef with feminist bloggers, and vice-versa); and a screenshot of some gobbledygook about patriarchy that probably sounded smart to the high-schooler who wrote it. Like a lot of Reddit, the Men’s Rights forum is a way for predominantly white, predominantly rich young men to pat themselves on the back for how smart they are. It gives them something to do, I guess, and it gives the Shit Reddit Says subreddit something to react against.
But the idea that feminism is harmful to men, and women have declared war on people with penises, isn’t confined to Reddit’s nether regions anymore. It’s now mainstream enough for Fox News’s website, which published an awful, troll-baiting op-ed about “The War on Men” written by Suzzanne Venker. Her thesis is that while women want to marry men, men don’t want to marry them because, “Women aren’t women anymore.” She goes on:
“Women are angry. They’re also defensive, though often unknowingly. That’s because they’ve been raised to think of men as the enemy. Armed with this new attitude, women pushed men off their pedestal (women had their own pedestal, but feminists convinced them otherwise) and climbed up to take what they were taught to believe was rightfully theirs.
Now the men have nowhere to go.”
What she’s describing is a pretty standard anti-feminist narrative: The evil feminists “convinced” women to want things like the same careers and pay and power that men had (they didn’t really want these things, see, but they were persuaded otherwise), thereby causing them to lose the status they were too short-sighted to have valued.
Reader, make sure you’re sitting down. Please. I have some terrible news to break to you. The rumors have been circling for some time now, but this is no Twitter hoax. Earlier this week, the gender of Men passed away in a tragic bicycle accident. The news hasn’t been broken by any official news agencies yet, but we’re willing to go on the word of Hanna Rosin, an American academic who knew Men well, and has told us in her new book, The End Of Men, that my people just took their last breath.
And before you ask, no, this isn’t like when Nas declared that hip-hop was dead (only to see Soulja Boy buy a private jet). Hanna seems pretty adamant that even if an entire sex is if not actually dead already, it is at least in the midst of a right to die campaign.
Continue: RIP Men
Bisexuals and the “Get Out of Monogamy Free Card”
Yesterday, while editing an article containing a huge chunk about monogamy and bisexuality, I was struck with the horrific revelation that people—some people—perhaps way too many people, think that being bisexual means that you are incapable of being faithful with your sexual parts to the person you’re with. Hands up if you believe that this is true. Okay, hands down, because you’re a moron.
Being bisexual means a very simple thing. It means that you are attracted to men AND women. At first I was going to say that it means you’re attracted to penis AND vagina, but that could lead into a gray area that is a whole other topic. It’s possible for a person to be attracted to a person who gives off male sexy vibes or lady sexy vibes, but doesn’t have those corresponding parts, but if you’re still thinking that being bi means you need to eat a hot dog and a slice of pizza at the same time, because you are constantly craving both and can’t possibly choose just one at that moment because of your uncontrollable wolf-like urges, then any advanced shit beyond what I’m about to break down here would melt your cogs.
One time (like, yesterday) a friend of mine was talking about her boyfriend, and how, since she’s bi, if he wants to be with her then he needs to understand that she will HAVE to touch a boob from time to time, or else I guess she’ll just die. This is perfectly fine behavior for an open relationship (which they also happen to be in) but it has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with being bi-sexual. Is it possible that people have blurred the lines between non-monogamy, and bi-sexuality? Let’s check.
Here’s What Non-Monogamy Means
This is where you date a bunch of different people, respectfully, and openly, but are not committed to just one person. They used to do this in the 50s. It was called “dating.” Sometimes a non-monogamous person will have a “primary” partner who’s their main person. Like, their favorite or whatever. This person will sometimes get to say “naw, I don’t want you to fuck that person, because they smell like soup.” They get veto power. I personally think a lot of people over-think the concept of non-monogamy, and try to make it seem normal and cool by tacking on a bunch of different rules that will often just arbitrarily change. But at the end of the day, who cares? Fuck whomever you want, just don’t be a liar or a sneak. Live your life.
Here’s What Being Bisexual Means
You are attracted to people who are both the same as, and not the same as, the gender that you personally roll with in your own life. Does that make sense? As I understand it, in the world of reality, a bisexual person likes different genders (in this term it’s narrowed down to two) but that does not mean that they have to have both at once in order to feel complete. Maybe they do. There’s lots of maybes in life. Maybe the sky will turn to orange juice if I don’t brush my hair. BUT being bi does absolutely not mean that if you’re in a otherwise committed relationship with one gendered person, you will have an open license to fuck a person of the other gender, because you just have to. I love almost every variety of cereal, and want them all, but I’m not going to buy a box of each and pour them into my gaping face hole to satiate my burning desire to be filled with oats. I’ll SELECT ONE, consume it fully, and then maybe move on to another one the next day. Being bisexual doesn’t mean that your crotch is like Two-Face from Batman. Unless it does. I don’t know your life. Oh, it should also be noted that I will rampantly make out with at least two genders, but do NOT consider myself to be bi. I consider myself to be a slut. And this is also fine. And yet, I still don’t cheat on people. So advanced. So layered.