Why are so many girls wearing cat makeup on Tinder? We explored the phenomenon.

Why Are People Surprised by Racist Halloween Costumes? 
Welcome to a special Halloween edition of This Week in Racism. I’ll be ranking Halloween costumes on a scale of 1 to RACIST, with “1” being the least racist and “RACIST” being the most racist.
-This might come as a major shock to you, but wearing racially insensitive Halloween costumes is pretty popular. Blogs got their digital panties in a twist in 2012, 2011, 2010,2009, and pretty much every year that the internet has existed as a perpetual outrage machine. Halloween is like Christmas for racists, because it’s an easy way to cloak bigotry in the guise of fun. 
It should be no surprise, then that Julianne Hough’s foray into the darker side of the holiday (pun very much intended) generated a ton of attention this week for her choice of costume. Bloggers slammed her for insensitivity, and friends came out in support of her choice to dress up like an African-American character from Orange is the New Black. I don’t imagine she’s a hateful person, nor do I think she was out to offend. That said, as a celebrity (even a reality star) who happens to be white, it’s definitely not wise to step out in public with a bunch of brown paint on your face… unless you’re going as a delicious piece of semi-sweet baking chocolate, which is such a great idea. Seriously, you can have that for free. 5
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Why Are People Surprised by Racist Halloween Costumes? 

Welcome to a special Halloween edition of This Week in Racism. I’ll be ranking Halloween costumes on a scale of 1 to RACIST, with “1” being the least racist and “RACIST” being the most racist.

-This might come as a major shock to you, but wearing racially insensitive Halloween costumes is pretty popular. Blogs got their digital panties in a twist in 201220112010,2009, and pretty much every year that the internet has existed as a perpetual outrage machine. Halloween is like Christmas for racists, because it’s an easy way to cloak bigotry in the guise of fun. 

It should be no surprise, then that Julianne Hough’s foray into the darker side of the holiday (pun very much intended) generated a ton of attention this week for her choice of costume. Bloggers slammed her for insensitivity, and friends came out in support of her choice to dress up like an African-American character from Orange is the New Black. I don’t imagine she’s a hateful person, nor do I think she was out to offend. That said, as a celebrity (even a reality star) who happens to be white, it’s definitely not wise to step out in public with a bunch of brown paint on your face… unless you’re going as a delicious piece of semi-sweet baking chocolate, which is such a great idea. Seriously, you can have that for free. 5

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With apologies to RL Stine, VICE employees recreated our favorite spooky book covers

Still the best Halloween costume

Still the best Halloween costume

Implausible Literary Halloween Costumes That No One Will Get
Jonathan Franzen
Acquire a small loan from a local bank or a rich friend and use the money to buy the most expensive pair of black-rimmed glasses you can find. Maybe use a little hair gel or something, but only just enough so that you feel like you look cool but didn’t mean to. Wear a white oxford shirt and Duck Head pants with a braided belt and some penny loafers, maybe. If you want to be “edgy Jonathan Franzen” you could get a jean jacket rather than a blazer, but make sure it’s one of those jean jackets that costs as much as a blazer. You should smell a little musty, like a library mixed with birdshit, covered up with Annick Goutal’s Easu D’Hadrien cologne. I recommend practicing your disinterested-and-scornful-but-internally-knitting-suburban-majesty face in the mirror while blasting Michael Bolton. Make sure that throughout the night, when surrounded by people, this expression never changes. Maybe keep surreptitiously farting without gesture, always looking elsewhere while standing against the wall nearest to the exit, pretending to be reading an email from your agent instead of lurking through the profiles of single young women who’ve mentioned you on Twitter.
A Literary Agent
Dress like you did for Jonathan Franzen, but this time actually talk to other people, making sure to laugh more loudly than is necessary at jokes that aren’t funny. Don’t say anything yourself, just kind of stand there, awkwardly hovering near wherever the most active part of the room seems to be. Don’t be afraid to end an awkward or boring conversation by simply turning away from whoever’s taking up your time in mid-sentence and joining in with someone else. Make sure you spill some of your food on your shirt, but pretend not to notice. When it’s time to leave, accidentally walk into the coat closet. Then stay there.
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Implausible Literary Halloween Costumes That No One Will Get

Jonathan Franzen

Acquire a small loan from a local bank or a rich friend and use the money to buy the most expensive pair of black-rimmed glasses you can find. Maybe use a little hair gel or something, but only just enough so that you feel like you look cool but didn’t mean to. Wear a white oxford shirt and Duck Head pants with a braided belt and some penny loafers, maybe. If you want to be “edgy Jonathan Franzen” you could get a jean jacket rather than a blazer, but make sure it’s one of those jean jackets that costs as much as a blazer. You should smell a little musty, like a library mixed with birdshit, covered up with Annick Goutal’s Easu D’Hadrien cologne. I recommend practicing your disinterested-and-scornful-but-internally-knitting-suburban-majesty face in the mirror while blasting Michael Bolton. Make sure that throughout the night, when surrounded by people, this expression never changes. Maybe keep surreptitiously farting without gesture, always looking elsewhere while standing against the wall nearest to the exit, pretending to be reading an email from your agent instead of lurking through the profiles of single young women who’ve mentioned you on Twitter.

A Literary Agent

Dress like you did for Jonathan Franzen, but this time actually talk to other people, making sure to laugh more loudly than is necessary at jokes that aren’t funny. Don’t say anything yourself, just kind of stand there, awkwardly hovering near wherever the most active part of the room seems to be. Don’t be afraid to end an awkward or boring conversation by simply turning away from whoever’s taking up your time in mid-sentence and joining in with someone else. Make sure you spill some of your food on your shirt, but pretend not to notice. When it’s time to leave, accidentally walk into the coat closet. Then stay there.

Continue

What Not to Wear This Halloween
Oh, Halloween. The worst night to get a cab and the best night to take home a slutty Disney princess. Is it really a holiday, since we don’t get the day off from work? Of course it is, because when else could you get nudity in massive quantities, enough facepaint to excuse you for bringin home a five, and cauldrons full of shame the next day. 
Before you skank-it-out at a house party, leave your credit card at the bar, or turn into a weirdo roaming graveyards, you’ll have to pick out a Halloween costume interesting enough to spark a conversation with that five. You’ll have to navigate the thin line between offensive enough to be clever and overcompensating with complete stupidity. For those not smart enough to use all three digits of their IQs, we’ve brought you a guide on what not to wear on Halloween, so when you only pick up your sexy pizza-slice costume off the floor the next morning and not also your dignity.  
THIS MASK
Who sells that? Amazon.What’s it supposed to be? A “realistic black Kenyan man”—perfect for doing the Harlem Shake (um, what?).Why shouldn’t I wear it? It’s racist.What kind of person wears that? A bigot. 
THIS T-SHIRT

Who makes that? aleXsandro Palombo, for his website humorchic.com; a “daily society portrait blog, the best illustrated fashion chronicle, a point of view about costume, politics, culture, society, and celebrity. aleXsandro Palombo is the father of fashion satire, visionary artist, author, and critic.”What’s it supposed to be? It’s a T-shirt of Amanda Knox holding a bloodstained knife.Wasn’t she acquitted of murder? Yes.What kind of person wears that? The kind of person who believes they are the “father of fashion satire.”
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What Not to Wear This Halloween

Oh, Halloween. The worst night to get a cab and the best night to take home a slutty Disney princess. Is it really a holiday, since we don’t get the day off from work? Of course it is, because when else could you get nudity in massive quantities, enough facepaint to excuse you for bringin home a five, and cauldrons full of shame the next day. 

Before you skank-it-out at a house party, leave your credit card at the bar, or turn into a weirdo roaming graveyards, you’ll have to pick out a Halloween costume interesting enough to spark a conversation with that five. You’ll have to navigate the thin line between offensive enough to be clever and overcompensating with complete stupidity. For those not smart enough to use all three digits of their IQs, we’ve brought you a guide on what not to wear on Halloween, so when you only pick up your sexy pizza-slice costume off the floor the next morning and not also your dignity.  

THIS MASK

Who sells that? Amazon.
What’s it supposed to be? A “realistic black Kenyan man”—perfect for doing the Harlem Shake (um, what?).
Why shouldn’t I wear it? It’s racist.
What kind of person wears that? A bigot.
 

THIS T-SHIRT

Who makes that? aleXsandro Palombo, for his website humorchic.com; a “daily society portrait blog, the best illustrated fashion chronicle, a point of view about costume, politics, culture, society, and celebrity. aleXsandro Palombo is the father of fashion satire, visionary artist, author, and critic.”
What’s it supposed to be? It’s a T-shirt of Amanda Knox holding a bloodstained knife.
Wasn’t she acquitted of murder? Yes.
What kind of person wears that? The kind of person who believes they are the “father of fashion satire.”

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The Bill and Ted Show at Universal Studios Is Super Homophobic (and Also Racist and Terrible)
Each year, Universal Studios Hollywood has a big Halloween event called Halloween Horror Nights. Part of this is a play called Bill and Ted’s Excellent Halloween Adventure. 
The play is about Bill and Ted going on some kind of pantomime-y Halloween adventure. Along the way, lots of jokes are made about things that have happened in pop culture over the preceding year. 
I use the term “jokes” loosely here. As they are, generally, terrible, and follow the same formula: Pop cultural reference + pop cultural reference + a reference to sex = LOL!
For instance, there’s a scene where a Sharknado appears and Kim Jong Un comes on to the stage to explain that the Sharknado came into existence as a result of Kristen Stewart sucking his dick too hard. After he said this, the audience laughed. Unless I’m missing something, this is meant to be funny because: 
1) It references Kristen Stewart 2) It references Kim Jong Un 3) It references sex4) It references Sharknado
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The Bill and Ted Show at Universal Studios Is Super Homophobic (and Also Racist and Terrible)

Each year, Universal Studios Hollywood has a big Halloween event called Halloween Horror Nights. Part of this is a play called Bill and Ted’s Excellent Halloween Adventure. 

The play is about Bill and Ted going on some kind of pantomime-y Halloween adventure. Along the way, lots of jokes are made about things that have happened in pop culture over the preceding year. 

I use the term “jokes” loosely here. As they are, generally, terrible, and follow the same formula: Pop cultural reference + pop cultural reference + a reference to sex = LOL!

For instance, there’s a scene where a Sharknado appears and Kim Jong Un comes on to the stage to explain that the Sharknado came into existence as a result of Kristen Stewart sucking his dick too hard. After he said this, the audience laughed. Unless I’m missing something, this is meant to be funny because: 

1) It references Kristen Stewart 
2) It references Kim Jong Un 
3) It references sex
4) It references Sharknado

Continue

Yelping Halloween
2 reviews for 119 Haverford Ave.
(3 Stars) 10/31/12
I took my kids trick or treating yesterday and the second stop on our route was the Hadley household. Right off the bat, they lose a star for giving out Life Savers. Is this a 6th grade secret santa grab bag? Run out of carob chips? The candy you serve speaks volumes about you as a citizen. And a human being.
Comment from Linda Hadley of 119 Haverford Ave. 11/1/12 « Hide
larry you can’t yelp your neighbors houses are you insane
(1 Star) 10/31/12
she refused my kids candy and told me to leave property
Comment from Linda Hadley of 119 Haverford Ave. 11/1/12 « Hide
you showed up drunk, with stuff from my trash can duct taped to your shirt, and told me you were supposed to be “hurricane sandy.” and your kids were both dressed as “mittler youth.”
4 reviews for 22 Buford Ct.
(2 Stars) 10/31/12
The Guntersons did a wonderful job tricking their house out for us trick or treaters :-} Lots of spooky cobwebs and tombstones. My problem is with Jake Gunterson’s candy policy. When he saw that my son was costumed as a hobo clown, he told Timmy that he “doesn’t do handouts.” As we were leaving, however, another child arrived dressed as a California Raisin, and I heard Mr. Gunderson say, “what a delightful Bill Cosby,” followed by the distinct sound of Kit Kats falling into a pillowcase.
Comment from Jake G of 22 Buford Ct. 11/1/12 « Hide
Prove it.
(1 Star) 10/31/12
Like many parents in our neighborhood, I wore my own costume while my two daughters trick or treated. When we got to Jake’s house, he said, “Do you really think I’m going to give you anything?” I asked him what he meant. He said, “You’re an Obama phone,” “No,” I calmly explained, “I’m a Motorola clamshell.” “Well then, what’s that?” he said, pointing down towards my groin. “It’s a zero button,” I replied, trying hard to keep my cool. Then he called me an expletive I was really hoping my daughters wouldn’t have to hear until at least third grade and confiscated my girls’ Milk Duds.
Comment from Jake G of 22 Buford Ct. 11/1/12 « Hide
Redistribution’s not so groovy now, huh?
Continue

Yelping Halloween

2 reviews for 119 Haverford Ave.

(3 Stars) 10/31/12

I took my kids trick or treating yesterday and the second stop on our route was the Hadley household. Right off the bat, they lose a star for giving out Life Savers. Is this a 6th grade secret santa grab bag? Run out of carob chips? The candy you serve speaks volumes about you as a citizen. And a human being.

Comment from Linda Hadley of 119 Haverford Ave. 11/1/12 « Hide

larry you can’t yelp your neighbors houses are you insane

(1 Star) 10/31/12

she refused my kids candy and told me to leave property

Comment from Linda Hadley of 119 Haverford Ave. 11/1/12 « Hide

you showed up drunk, with stuff from my trash can duct taped to your shirt, and told me you were supposed to be “hurricane sandy.” and your kids were both dressed as “mittler youth.”

4 reviews for 22 Buford Ct.

(2 Stars) 10/31/12

The Guntersons did a wonderful job tricking their house out for us trick or treaters :-} Lots of spooky cobwebs and tombstones. My problem is with Jake Gunterson’s candy policy. When he saw that my son was costumed as a hobo clown, he told Timmy that he “doesn’t do handouts.” As we were leaving, however, another child arrived dressed as a California Raisin, and I heard Mr. Gunderson say, “what a delightful Bill Cosby,” followed by the distinct sound of Kit Kats falling into a pillowcase.

Comment from Jake G of 22 Buford Ct. 11/1/12 « Hide

Prove it.

(1 Star) 10/31/12

Like many parents in our neighborhood, I wore my own costume while my two daughters trick or treated. When we got to Jake’s house, he said, “Do you really think I’m going to give you anything?” I asked him what he meant. He said, “You’re an Obama phone,” “No,” I calmly explained, “I’m a Motorola clamshell.” “Well then, what’s that?” he said, pointing down towards my groin. “It’s a zero button,” I replied, trying hard to keep my cool. Then he called me an expletive I was really hoping my daughters wouldn’t have to hear until at least third grade and confiscated my girls’ Milk Duds.

Comment from Jake G of 22 Buford Ct. 11/1/12 « Hide

Redistribution’s not so groovy now, huh?

Continue

Are these the best Halloween costumes ever?

Are these the best Halloween costumes ever?

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