Cry-Baby of the Year
Everyone in the world is turning into an entitled psychopath, which led to a massive surplus in the 2013 cry-baby market. It was a crowded field out there this year, and while it’s true that all of the contenders were infantile and pathetic, who was the biggest cry-baby of them all? We’ll let you decide.
We’ve compiled the ten cry-babies who received the most votes over the last year. Cast your vote for the worst of the worst at the bottom of the page to decide who will receive the Cry-Baby of the Year trophy pictured above.
These Idiots Think They Are Being Brainwashed by CAPTCHAs
The inspiredly-named Swedish civil rights organization, Civil Rights Defenders, recently launched their own spin on CAPTCHAs (those irritating, unintelligible words that you have to type into that little box on secure websites) in an attempt to verify the empathy levels—and thus the humanity—of anyone typing words into said box. Those boxes are pretty essential nowadays, considering the amount of bots, trolls and horses that stalk the internet, but, until now, nobody’s bothered putting much thought into what actually goes in them. Probably because no one cares what goes into them.
The Civil Rights Defenders’ CAPTCHAs ask users a civil rights-related question and provide three opinion-based answers. For example: “The Albanian Vice Minister of Defense, Ekrem Spahui, thinks that gays should be beaten up with a stick. How does that make you feel? Fascinated, homesick, or terrible?” Then lets you through if you input the right answer.
Although it mostly provokes laughter over deep, ponderous thoughts—the prospect of feeling “sexy” about Serbian police cancelling a Pride parade sounds like a Steven Wright joke—it’s a fundamentally nice idea and is obviously intended purely for good. However, some people aren’t OK with having their opinion about Albanian ministers beating gays with sticks dictated to them. Some people want more options when it comes to expressing their opinions about homophobic physical abuse. People like the guy who sent this email. Let’s call him Tom.
What Sort of Person Still Thinks That 9/11 Was an Inside Job?
As you’ve probably noticed from the wealth of “I remember where I was when…” Facebook statuses, today is the 11th anniversary of the most important day in modern history. The day when the world went from being one, big back-slapping party with Bill Clinton serenading Tony Blair with sax solos, to the era of fear, loathing, and Eminem that wouldn’t subside until a Hawaiian guy who claimed to like Lil’ Wayne pulled us out in a fireman’s lift of optimism.
It feels strange looking back on a not-that-recent-any-more tragedy; we’ve moved on from the grief to the “never forget” stage. The common response has been dignified respect for the victims, and reflection on the wider ramifications of that fateful day. Of course there are people who feel the need to tell us what they were watching on the other channel (I was at the dentist’s and when I was told, I imagined it to be a comical incident involving a bi-plane, if you’re interested), there’s little hand wringing or vicarious cloying to get worked up about.
Sadly, what there are is plenty of conspiracy loons. The people who just won’t believe the “official version of events” and instead subscribe to respected authorities like Alex Jones, Charlie Sheen, and some anonymous whistle-blower with MS Paint's version of events. These people aren't even of the “We'll never really know what happened,” school of thought; these are people who are 100 percent convinced that Dick Cheney was flying planes into buildings like a problem child with an Airfix model.
But who the hell are they? And what else do they enjoy doing besides casting aspersions on logic? Let’s find out.
Nicola Jane likes:
- The television show Hollyoaks
- The television personality Khloe Kardashian
- Tweeting the lyrics of forgotten US R&B star Tweet (what a coindence)
- Tweeting the lyrics of not-forgotten US R&B star Marvin Gaye
- Vanilla lattes
- National Cheesecake Day
Liyah Nichelle likes:
- The rapper Wiz Khalifa
- The pop star Ciara
- Cookies with chocolate on the bottom
- The Twitter account @Hilarious_Dude
- The Twitter account @FemalePains
- The Buddhist concept karma