The Top Ten Softest Net Artists in the Game
Everybody knows and loves the fake Ghostface Killah
blog where the author annually lists the “Top Ten Softest Rappers in the Game.” While the rap game is certainly tough, it pales in comparison to the dark underbelly of the internet art community. When net artists leave the safety of the web, they get drunk, take copious amounts of drugs, get into fights, and fuck each others’ girlfriends and boyfriends like it’s a Bret Easton Ellis novel. So, to pay tribute to whoever writes that brilliant Ghostface blog, and to illuminate some of the politics of the net art world to the general public (who likes paintings and/or ceramics), I present to you:
Top Ten Softest Net Artists in the Game
The Jogging’s Tumblr is like some indoor kid’s delusional projection fantasy about what sports probably feel like. Besides that, it’s filled with images of zebras wearing pizzas, Crocs, houseplants, and mirrors. Even its name is like the softest exercise that somebody can do besides a 3K Fun Run/Walk. The people who run it have names that look like the guest list for a screening of The Graduate on Tommy Fucking Hilfiger’s yacht: Artie and Brad and Haley and Jesse and Joshua and Lauren and Norm and Rachel and Spencer.
Murphy’s also in this batshit crazy noise project called MSHR
with Birch Cooper
, and that shit isn’t soft at all, which is why she’s only at #9. Her weird three-dimensional digital collages and shit are totally psychedelic, but they still feel like a book of my aunt’s wallpaper samples fed through a seapunk filter that I’m checking out while trying to get laid in Second Life. I do like to look at her work because it makes me feel like I’m on drugs, but it’s like I’m on drugs that make me soft (weed, psychedelics) not drugs that make me hard (coke, Beezin’
Image via Andrew Birk’s Facebook account
I don’t even think these two motherfuckers count as net artists because Birk paints and Delmar is a corporation, but it’s like I look at Facebook for about two seconds and suddenly I’m the third in their relationship. Do they live in Mexico City? Paris? Brussels? Nobody fucking knows because it’s just an unending slideshow of travel pics which are 100% the softest kind of pics that exist. The hardest pics are obviously selfies, doge, and that stoner alpaca
If there’s anything softer than Anime, it’s art history. In Hayes’ work, these two ostensibly disparate worlds collide and it’s even less brutal than that Powerman 5000 song (I’m saying that they’re not a very tough heavy metal band). Don’t get me wrong, I like Jeanette Hayes personally. But if I were in a burning building on the tenth floor and had to leap out of the window, I’d pray to the heavens that there was a pile of her paintings to land on in the street below (I’m saying that her paintings are soft and I’d be safer if I landed on them).
Heil Hipster: German Nipsters (Neo-Nazi Hipsters) Are Trying to Put a Stylish Face on Hate
This winter, the German media came up with a new term, “nipster,” to describe the trend of people dressing like Brooklyn hipsters at Nazi events. Experts have noted that the German neo-Nazi presence on Tumblr and other social networking sites has become sleeker and more sophisticated. Neo-Nazi clothing has become more stylish and difficult to recognize. There’s even a vegan Nazi cooking show. “If the definition of the nipster is someone who can live in the mainstream, then I see it as the future of the movement.”
Magnum Photos’ 67-Hour Instagram Print ‘Flash Sale’ Broke the Internet
Magnum Photos is the photo cooperative founded in 1947 by Robert Capa, Henri Cartier-Bresson, David Seymour and George Rodger. VICE readers will know the name because of our “VICE Loves Magnum" series. As photo agencies go, the place is famously old-school, and, for better or worse, grounded in tradition and some vague but admirable principles about the photographic medium. So, it’s a little surprising and maybe refreshing to see Magnum using Instagram to sell somewhat "affordable art" in the form of what their calling #MAGNUMSquareprints.
In honor or the 67th anniversary of the organization, Magnum is offering signed 6x6” prints for $100 during a 67 hour window. The sale is raising eyebrows in the photo world (their site crashed due to traffic when the sale launched on Tuesday), and some are wonder if the agency has found a way to unite its stodgy history with a young, Instagramming audience. “That the site crashed due to too much traffic is expressive of something I wouldn’t have guessed,” Magnum photographer Susan Meiselas told VICE, “it’s something we’re still sorting out as a society: when everything is available online, why do people still want to own physical photographs? In some ways, the sale will inform us about what people today find valuable to have.”
Here are some of our favorites from the 44 photographs on offer.
Avoidsex on the beach: “Sand gets everywhere” is the cliched advice. Arguably more persuasive is the advice that, these days, so do people’s cameras.
—A Girl’s Guide to Not Being a Dick This Summer
Meet the Anonymous Instagram User Dedicated to Calling Out Rappers with Fake Watches
FakeWatchBusta calls himself “The Horological Batman,” a vigilante out there policing these internet streets keeping everyone safe from the scourge that is fake high-end timepieces (“Horology” = the study of watches and keeping time; it comes from the same Greek word from which we get “hour.”) Armed with only an eye for detail and a smartphone, FWB puts anyone flossing a replica watch on blast. He’s had his accounts canceled, legal threats, and a lot of pissed off ballers, but he will not be stopped!
Although his identity is a mystery, his email address is not. We caught up over the weekend.
A fashion shoot inspired by people taking photos of themselves when they shouldn’t be taking photos of themselves.
Last time we checked in on British Jihadists, they were posting snaps of themselves messing about in swimming pools, hoarding Cadbury’s chocolates from home, and generally having a good time. Everything has changed.
"Behead first, ask questions later"