Owning Porno Used to Mean Something, Damnit
1. When I was in high school I kept my porn in a white box. Inside the box was a stack of magazines—almost entirely Playboys, because I liked the clean stuff—as well as a purple folder full of the images I liked best, so that I could spread them out on my bedroom floor and sit in the middle of them, kind of like a crude manual version of Tumblr.
2. The internet really changed the way people masturbate. Today, if you want to see someone naked you just press the buttons and poof, there’s a boob. But as a teenager I remember thinking of pictures of naked women as a kind of secret relic, something you had to search out, anticipate and covet, which made them that much better when you got them.
3. I saw my first porn magazine in fourth grade when some kids in my class were passing one around under the lunch table. I remember feeling a weird sense of doom, like I was going to get caught the second I touched the paper, even though everyone else was laughing about it. I’m not sure what magazine it was, but the pictures were of naked women holding automatic weapons, dressed up like military personnel. I remember the feeling of seeing more than I actually saw.
4. The kid who owned that magazine briefly ran a business where you could buy a page out of other, similar magazines for a dollar. He carried them around in a duffel bag with a padlock on it. They were his dad’s magazines, he said, and there were more where those came from, if you had the money. I never bought one. Eventually he was caught and suspended.
5. I used to occasionally go to work with my dad. I remember feeling an insane sense of agency whenever he would stop at this one gas station that had a rack of tattoo magazines with tits in them. I would stand in front of the rack and wait until I knew I had half a second with no one watching, and then I would open the magazine as if I didn’t mean to, in case someone caught me. So instead of full visions, I caught flashes and tried to embed them deep in my memory so that I would be able to see them for a long time afterward whenever I shut my eyes.
6. A very brief, insanely vivid memory from when I was probably four or five, of picking up a magazine my dad’s friends were passing around at a camp in the woods, and the men laughing as my dad took it away from me before I could see. I remember my uncle saying something to the effect of, “one day you can have that,” and everyone laughing. I don’t remember many other things from that early stage in my life.
Download Our Fashion Issue on the VICE iPad App
Did you know we’ve been releasing a free iPad edition of every VICE issue since 2012, packed full of special features, extras, and exclusives? If not, you need to crawl out from beneath that big ball sack you’ve been hiding under and immediately download all of the great content we’ve cooked up.
Earlier this month, we released our annual Fashion Issue, which was sex themed. The concept lead to us explore everything from the hairy butts of women to the nuns in latex. As per usual, the iPad edition of the issue is bursting with dope, new shit. Here is a rundown of all the goodies:
— VICE’s Creative Director Annette Lamothe-Ramos introduces the issue with a video, detailing how we acquired the incredible Robert Mapplethorpe portfolio and cover photo.
— Artist Ole Tillmann’s Wooly Wendy illustration for “In Defense of Hairy Women” gets an interactive update, allowing users to actually add hair to Wooly Wendy’s face.
— In our Duran Duran-themed fashion shoot, “The Chauffeur,” Annette serves up some behind-the-scenes audio commentary.
— Our “Gender Benders” fashion shoot features behind-the-scenes footage our model boys transitioning into sexy-ass bitches.
— Our “Sisters” photo shoot, which has a nunsploitation-theme, features more audio commentary from Annette.
— “Power,” our fashion shoot and feature on the evolution of black masculinity through fashion, boasts beautiful bonus images taken by Awol Erizku.
— “Some Cat from Japan,” our Q&A with famed designer Kansai Yamamoto, features audio commentary from Annette.
— Jocelyn Spaar’s lovely illustrations of panties for Sadie Stein’s essay, ”Ass Menagerie,” features interactive lingerie animation.
— We added the audio version of Rat Tail’s ”2 Butts 4 the Price of 1” to the mysterious artist’s long lost lyrics.
— Milt Abdjourian, the publisher of an imaginary porn and fashion-focused, adds satirical audio commentary to a selection of his vintage cover images.
(Source: Vice Magazine)
The New Issue of VICE Is Here!
Our new year’s resolution for 2014 is butts. That’s what it says on a notecard amid the papers on the massive table that our editors use as a shared desk. “NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION: BUTTS!” We don’t know what it means any more than you do, but we’re pretty sure we’re doing a kickass job following through on it—our first issue of 2014, the Horse Is a Horse of Course of Course Issue, features posteriors galore.
There’s the cover by David Choe, of course, which as you can see is very derriere-centric. Then there’s Wilbert Cooper’s deep dive into the epidemic of ass implants sweeping America—as he documents, fake rear ends are becoming more and more popular, and women (and some men) are frequenting back-alley doctors to get illegal butt injections, which can make your cheeks larger and more shapely but can also lead to life-ruining complications. Is it a good idea to pay thousands of dollars to have silicone shot into your hips? Maybe not, even if you are a stripper at an ultra-glamorous Miami strip club, like some of the women Wilbert talked to.
Then there’s the (slightly less serious) investigation a pair of our correspondents did into the asses plowed by Fidel Castro. Is the Cuban leader the greatest lover of all time? Probably.
Other questions asked in this issue include:
Can marijuana cure cancer in children? (Yes, according to the people giving extremely powerful THC pills to an eight-year-old girl.)
What’s it like to be one of the few female cadets at an elite military academy in Pakistan? (Pretty fucking exhausting, but also rewarding, as the soldiers told documentarian Aeyliya Husain.)
How fucking stylish is vintage ski equipment? (Very fucking stylish—just look at that fashion shoot by Graham Dunn.)
What does it take to create a worldwide network of atheist churches? (A couple of English standup comedians are hoping that being really, really nice will do the trick.)
How does it feel to know that the man who kidnapped you and murdered two UN soldiers during the Lebanese civil war 34 years ago is now freely selling ice cream in Detroit? (Not good, writes Steve Hindy, who was an AP reporter in the Middle East before he founded the Brooklyn Brewery.)
Here’s one last question: Why the heck aren’t you subscribed to our magazine? Do that shit here. If you’ve got an iPad, get our app for free here, and enjoy the extras that come with every article.
The human race is a larcenous, duplicitous one, isn’t it? Our ingenuity in the fine art of deluding knows few limits. To honor that ineffable nature of our being, we present December’s edition of VICE magazine: The Skammerz Ishu. Pick up a copy at one of these fine locations (it’s a steal) or muster the courage to subscribe here (do it already), and you can download the iPad version, which includes extras not available in print or online, here.
You won’t need to look any further than the cover to illustrate how scams, swindles, rackets, and grifts can take on unimagined forms. Artist Mishka Henner pulled a fast one on the very people who make their living off Nigerian-prince-style email scams by “scam-baiting” one particularly dedicated con man to create the image that graces our cover. Over the course of four months of correspondence, Mishka’s associate, Condo Rice, convinced the would-be trickster, who claimed to have lost treasure of the Gaddafi regime, into producing the surreal image above. Excerpts from the absurd email exchange can be found in the magazine alongside loads of other tales of scams, including but not limited to:
Our Dishonest Planet: Stories of common hustles and cons from around the world.
Pulitzer Prize and Polk Award-winning journalist John L. Mitchell and Jack Chang’s investigation into the death of Malcolm L. Shabazz, the grandson of Malcolm X, who was killed when a Mexico City bar scam went tragically awry earlier this year.
Former VICE editor Aaron Lake Smith’s love song to the lost days of the Greyhound bus underworld, which looks back on years of riding with a forged Ameripass ticket.
“Sometimes We Taze Each Other, ” a short story by Adam Wilson, winner of the Paris Review’s Terry Southern Prize for Humor.
VICE’s own Krishna Andavolu’s look into the exploitative, horrific conditions endured by the (often undocumented) temp workers in the giant retail warehouses across America.
Amie Barrodale’s rememberance of her years of scoring free nights at the nicest hotels in the world, which she managed by claiming to be a travel writer.
Introducing the What Da Fug You Lookin’ At Issue
November brings with it a tide of Autumnal warmth: mulled ciders, cozy sweaters, and the savory aroma of sage and tryptophan rising from a nicely stuffed turkey roasting in the oven. November’s the best.
We figured we’d honor the spirit of fall conviviality by sticking our thumb in its eye. Welcome to the What Da Fug You Lookin’ At Issue. If you can find a copy of this month’s edition of VICE at these fine establishments, you’ll be greeted by our cover: one of Magnum photographer Bruce Gilden’s hyper-detailed photos of mean-ass looking people from his series, “Deep Fried America, The Terror and the Delight of the Wisconsin Fair in Portraits.” Pick it up, sit yourself down, and flip through the issue’s wondrous, glossy pages.
Here’s what you’ll find inside:
Soul on Fire. Journalist James Pogue reports from California’s brush fires where the state has sent a motley crew of prisoners to help put out the blazing infernos.
Andres Serrano’s Cuban Odyssey. The notorious Piss-Christ photographer takes us on a quest to photograph Fidel Castro.
Sketches from the International Vomiting Conference. VICE senior editor Ben Shapiro sent us this dispatch from the yearly gathering of the most preeminent puking scholars in the world. Things got messy.
In the midst of the Syria’s civil war, jihadists are turning northern Syria’s abandoned oil wells into makeshift refineries staffed by children.
Speaking of kids, VICE editor Wes Enzinna goes inside Bolivia’s silver, tin, and zinc mines where teenagers toil away below ground in 500-year-old mines that are about to collapse.
“Thank You,” a new short story by Chilean author Alejandro Zambra.
All that and our signature smattering of phenomenal fashion. DOs and DON’Ts, and much, much more. And if you’re of a tableting sort, you can also subscribe to our iPad app and get bonus features. Go on and get it.
Introducing the Holding Court Issue, October 2013
Get a subscription already!
Sometimes our friends will ask us why they should subscribe to the magazine—pretty much everything that appears in print also appears online, they say, and print is a dying medium anyway. Then they ask to borrow our car, because our friends are fucking assholes.
If you want to know why the physical copy of the magazine is worth it, locate a copy of this month’s Holding Court issue (a map of selected distribution points can be found here) and take a look at the cover by Marcel Dzama, which you can check out above in its ones-and-zeros version. Online it looks pretty good, but in real life the halo around the dude-with-a-baby-for-a-head’s head/baby shimmers in the light and you can make out the subtle muddy bloodstains on the arrow-filled body hanging from the ceiling. It’s the kind of strange painting you’d want to cut out and put on your wall, only you can’t if you’re just looking at it on your computer like a putz.
Other stuff that’s worth seeing in print:
The pictures of Irving Zisman, a.k.a. Johnny Knoxville, as the horny septuagenarian parties with some young lasses 50 years his junior.
War correspondent Robert King’s photo essay on Jordan’s Za’atari refugee camp, which is home to 120,000 displaced Syrians.
Kevin Site’s travelogue of Afghanistan as the US military finally prepares to leave for good (spoiler: the country ain’t doing so well).
These never-before-seen photos from Nirvana’s 1989 European tour.
VICE editor Wilbert L. Cooper’s examination of the thriving culture of scrap metal thieves in Cleveland.
If all that stuff doesn’t convince you that a paper version of the magazine is worth getting, look out for our iPad edition which is chock full of amazing extras including exclusive videos and pictures…
Buy Illegal! Magazine So Its Vendors Can Buy More Drugs
Michael Lodberg Olsen is the bearded, benevolent guardian angel to Copenhagen’s drug addicts. A couple of years ago, the Dane started driving a van around his home cityoffering heroin users a safe, sterile environment in which they could inject under the supervision of volunteers and trained nurses, rather than behind some trash cans in the park or in a shitty hostel. Olsen’s scheme was initially met with a fair amount of local opposition, but in the end he managed to win many of his detractors over.
Michael’s latest project, which he launched a couple of weeks ago, is Illegal!—a magazine that hard drug users can buy for $1.80 and sell to the public for around $5.00. At first glance it seems similar to the Big Issue, until you get to the mission statement. While the Big Issue was set up to feed homeless people and get them off the streets, Illegal!'s explicit aim is to help drug addicts—many of whom are homeless—raise money to buy more drugs.
Again, the scheme has attracted criticism—after all, much of the cash handed over will be going straight into the pockets of heroin dealers—but Michael has presented a case that’s hard to argue with. Surely it’s better that Copenhagen’s drug addicts are earning their money selling magazines, than if they are—for example—robbing people, shoplifting, or selling their bodies for sex?
Michael (left) and his colleague Thomas Paalsson