SAD-ASS MUSIC #6 - SAD-ASS GUILTY PLEASURES
Well, let’s just look at it this way; if you’ve been following this column regularly, you’ll see that I’ve already praised the likes of Mr. Mister, Duran Duran, Death Cab For Cutie, Genesis, and the Gin Blossoms, so basically I don’t even fucking believe in Guilty Pleasures. That said, I understand that there is some music that maybe you’d be ashamed of. YOU, not me.
I like the idea of guilty pleasures. I like the idea of that type of music you’ll switch to private on Spotify while listening to. It feels almost…dirty? Maybe not, maybe it just feels goofy. Whatever. Here’s what I did, went ahead and crafted a list of tracks that people might throw a face-palm or a knee-slap to, because, y’know maybe they’re not the hippest. BUT, here’s the catch, actually none of these songs are guilty pleasures, because I DON’T GIVE A FUCK. No shame in this game.
Let’s pop the top on this motherfucker.
I mean, is it cool to listen to Pearl Jam? When was the last time it was cool to listen to Pearl Jam, 1992? I don’t know. I still think Eddie Vedder’s early 90s look was the jam, and I don’t even care if homeboy is partially to blame for the yeaah-uuhhh-uhhhhgggghhhh rock, ala Nickelback/Creed/Tantric/Days Of the New/assorted-whale-farts, that came to dominate rock radio in the late 90s tailspin into the early 2000s. Remember that song that Chuck Kreeger guy from Nickelback did with the Saliva dude from that Spiderman man movie? YIKES.Click click boom on my dome, paint the walls, man. Yowzers. Anyway, that’s not the point. Eddie and the Jam have written some very poignant tunes in their years and have earned their rock cred, like it or not. Yeah, Eddie’s voice can be kinda wonky, especially if you’re only 22 and heard Pearl Jam post-hearing Creed the first time, that might be a shock to the system, I get that. However, a song like “Black” will fucking crush your soul into powder, doesn’t matter how fucking cool you think you are or how rad, read: stupid, your hair looks. Eddie kills it here, drives it home with a legendary, Herculean line like “I know someday you’ll have a beautiful life, I know you’ll be a star… In somebody else’s sky, but why, whyyyyyy whyyyyyyy can’t it be, can’t it beeeee-eee-uuughhhhh miiiinnnnneeeeee?” Yep. That’s that heavy shit. I linked the live video so you could really feel that unbridled sincerity in Eddie and the boys as they just destroy this monster in front of a million people. Plus, in the live version, Eddie pops out the “we belong, we belong together” part that causes the world’s fattest goosebumps/sadness boners.
I know, I know… I remember “Take My Picture,” I do. But maybe what you don’t remember was when Richard Patrick was a hard-ass shredding for Trent in Nine Inch Nails? Yeah, that was before he started pulling a sort of sub-Perry Farrell impersonation and fucking with Korn. Also, just a heads up, did you know dude is T-1000’s brother? Google it. So yeah, Filter’s first album, Short Bus, is kind of a really, really killer record. I still stand by this record. Maybe you remember a little song called “Hey Man, Nice Shot.” It was only featured in every single killer 90s movie, especially in scenes where dudes were just ultimately fucking shit up, i.e. Jim Carrey schooling clowns on the basketball court in the always classic Cable Guy (quite possibly his finest work). Anyway, “Hey Man, Nice Shot” was a riot and we all know that, but I’m talking about “Stuck In Here,” a short and simple, laid back acoustic jam where Patrick takes it easy and sings about being stuck, y’know, cuz life and shit.
Look, fuck you if you don’t like the Chili Peppers.