A PORN STORY: MY WEEKEND BEHIND THE SCENES AT THE AVN AWARDS (PART ONE)
I’m sitting in the hotel room of one of America’s biggest adult movie stars, Jesse Jane. It’s time for Jesse to get her makeup done before she heads downstairs into the Hard Rock Casino and Hotel in Las Vegas for an autograph signing. The mid day sun is creeping through the windows all over the parade of make-up, hair products, and extensions that take over the room. In the corner I spot Pepperidge Farm Goldfish and some Coke Zero.
As her close friend and makeup artist, Toni, from Jesse’s current home of Oklahoma takes pieces of her delicate, bleached blonde hair and twists it into loose curls, Jesse is teaching me how to the give the ultimate blow job.
“There is an art to it,” The 32-year old instructs as she winds her hands in a cork screw motion showing me how to jerk off the cock and suck at the same time. “The trick is to put your tongue into the pee hole. They are so sensitive there.” She sticks her tiny tongue out and motions to the invisible penis in her hands. “You go, ‘You like that?’” Her tone changes from her media-friendly bubble to commanding. “Smack that cock on him. He’s going to go crazy.”
All five of the women in the room (Jesse Jane, the makeup artist, my PR liaison, the photographer, and myself) nod and laugh. Sucking dick is something we’ve all done. We can all relate.
“Put it as far down as you can and pump it,” she continues. “You have to breathe in, open your throat, inhale it like you’re smoking a cigarette. You can feel the penis grow, like shock therapy.”
Here’s Why Taylor Swift Will Never Be Called a Whore
I know this puts me in the minority, but I’ve never been a huge Taylor Swift fan. It’s great that she’s the highest grossing pop star under the age of 30 and everything, and that she’s worth $56 million and everything, but her music is dog-doo awful town. And with great power comes great responsibility.
Anyway, a few weeks ago, Ken Baker of E! News tweeted the above image.
Let’s get one thing straight right off the bat here so I don’t have a bunch of fellow feminists jumping down my throat: Neither Taylor Swift nor Miley Cyrus are “sluts.” As Ryan O’Connell points out: “While it’s nice that people are starting to realize that calling Miley Cyrus a slut is bad news bears, that doesn’t mean we should deflect all of that sexist energy to Taylor Swift.” I agree completely! And what is a slut anyway? Especially with regard to giant pop stars? I’m pretty sure that being slutty or not slutty has nothing to do with a woman’s musical abilities. But that doesn’t stop us from judging a female musician on her neckline.
My problem with Taylor Swift is her lyrics. It’s not that she only writes about boys and love (even though I find this problematic and totally unprogressive).
It’s that Taylor Swift slut-shames other women constantly and no one says anything about it.
Here’s a fun little thought experiment. Try to think of a Taylor Swift song that isn’t about boys and boyfriends and lovey-dovey girl feelings. In her songs, romantic relationships usually end because of the actions of another woman.
Last month, while at the New York Art Book Fair, Los Angeles-native Michael Ray-Von was asked to help build and curate a modest, contemporary gallery in Tijuana, Mexico. Without a second thought, he told Todd Patrick (who offered him the position), he would do it and within a week had dropped everything to move across the boarder. The first exhibit was set to premiere during two of Tijuana’s most interesting musical festivals Notre Sonoro and All My Friends Festival. Patrick and Ray-Von had a month to rebuild an old hair salon into a gallery and get an exhibit happening.
Ray-Von and Patrick called upon the work of New York-artist Jesse Hlebo to team up with Mexican City artist Joaquín Segura to create a collaborative exhibit. Hlebo runs his own record and print label, Swill Children, and his work has been displayed at MoMA Library, MoMA PS1, Brooklyn Academy of Music, Museum of Arts and Design, Printed Matter, Inc., Clocktower Gallery, and The Elizabeth Foundation for the Arts in NYC, the Khyber Center for Contemporary Art and NSCAD in Halifax, Nova Scotia, among others. Hlebo was recently named one of “The Best of Young Brooklyn” by L Magazine. Needless to say, the guy is around.
I went down for the opening of Hlebo and Segura’s exhibit, To Preserve Disorder. It was cold, interesting, perceptive and the after-party was super fun.
I decided to follow-up up with my two friends about their gallery in Tijuana, and why they crossed the boarder in the first place.
VICE: You’ve been living in Tijuana for a while now. Can you talk about your adjustment?
Michael Ray-Von: Tijuana is a density of ideas. And they’re all pronouncing themselves at once. Because this is a very busy border town, you have a complex of translations and exchanges occurring everywhere, all the time — totally dynamic. Translation and exchange, representation and value systems, are areas that interest me very much, so I’m really turned on by this place. Plus, the space is located in Centro (downtown), where a substantial part of the economy is focused on bars and nightclubs (facilitating wildness). So I’m occasionally confronted by a new version of “the craziest shit I’ve ever seen”.
Are you bilingual or was language an issue?
I spoke very little Spanish prior to coming here, so that’s been a substantial hurdle for me initially. Fortunately 60 percent of Tijuanenses speak English. Everyone has been very generous and patient in the language area. There is also a good deal of customs or cultural paradigms that were completely unexpected and will occasionally turn my world upside down. I would tell you about it, but I wouldn’t want to spoil the fun for foreigners who might visit.
How did you manage to re-make an entire gallery in less than a month?
We’ve been really lucky to have the support of a number of artists and musicians in the area early on. I’m also super stoked to have had three talented people join our team in the last few weeks, You Schaffner (who plays music as Dani Shivers), Luisito Noctámbulo (who studies art at ESAV), and Andrea Noel, (who posts photos atVinyl Revolver), all living in TJ. They’ve been instrumental to facilitating this endeavor.
Why set up in Tijuana?
Tijuana is in segue, socioeconomically speaking. Through a concerted effort stemming from the youth and the universities (as far as I can tell), the hegemonies of Tijuana, which have consisted since its inception are beginning to splinter. These being the things you’ve likely heard about the place. It’s actually a surprisingly unique and exciting time to be here!
My early 20’s were spend trying not to hate Europe for stealing my boyfriend from me. It was pretty lame.
Edith Piaf - “Milord”
My boyfriend and I try to get back together even though deep down we both know this is never going to be a success. He’s been in Paris pretending to be the world’s loneliest boy while paying his rent with high fashion runway gigs. The guy actually got scouted while hung over and eating a McDonald’s hamburger. What an asshole.
Meanwhile, I am living in Vancouver getting into my band. I am always bruised, tired and it is just what I need. I am dating jerks that don’t even like me but I don’t care because I’m guest starring in threesomes and other drug-addled, post-party things. I’m a freaking zombie. Waitress by (late) day and zombie by night. I write in my journal and destroy my credit card ordering records on eBay.
My boyfriend moves back to Vancouver and we decide to go out again because, I guess, that’s what we know. My zombie curse is lifted. Along with many new ideas and obsessions he’s gathered in Europe, his greatest is with Edith Piaf and he plays “Milord” over and over. He tries to get me to love the song as much as he does but I can’t because that song is the reason we can no longer be together. That song is his love for Paris, for adventure, for loneliness and freedom. It means so much more than just pretty French phrases sung with rolled “r“‘s about men and tables. I’m not supposed to like that song. If liked that song, it would ruin everything for him. Plus, while he’s falling in love with Paris, I’m falling in love with a guy I work with who plays the drums.
So, my boyfriend goes back Paris. He’s happy. We do not speak for a long time but that is always for the best. We eventually get back together a third time, but that’s a whole other song.
Hi, I’m Mish Way. You may know me from the band, White Lung. I am a heartbreaker, and a dream maker. Don’t you mess around with me. No. If this sounds like an actual retarded person is writing it, it’s because my inner most thoughts are being channeled through VICE Music Editor, Kelly McClure, who was amazing enough to offer me this podcast which I have named Delicious With Mish. In this podcast I will be answering your burning questions about sexual things, or life in general. To make this happen, you’ll need to email me with your questions at: firstname.lastname@example.org. This first podcast is mostly about me and my thoughts about sex and life, so we can get to know each other better. Enjoy.