Celebrity Dogs of America
Last weekend, I attended America’s Family Pet Expo in Costa Mesa, California, which attracts thousands of people for a host of reasons: they love pets, they volunteer with rescue organizations, or they’re interested in buying their cats some quality business cards. One of the biggest draws, though, was the celebrity pet event—a showcase of trained dogs and cats who act in popular TV shows.
Like normal, non-dog-dominated events, the expo had its own black market: shortly after I stepped into the long admission line with the rest of the non-celebrity pets and humans, I got approached by a sketchy, nervous-looking guy who mumbled at me, “You guys want to buy some passes?” Yes, this man was a Pet Expo scalper. I bought a pass.
Although I was primarily there for the celebrity pets, there was no shortage of other entertainment. While walking through the expo, I watched several rounds of dachshund racing, pet an 18-pound rabbit, and spotted more than a few dogs who were better dressed than I was.
Your Dog Is Full of Dirty Diseases
Illustration by Mimi Leung
Recent research has shown that sharing an ice cream cone with your dog or letting your cat nap on your face isn’t just unhygienic, it could kill you, shit-for-brains, so cut it out. A study published in Emerging Infectious Diseases in November reported that zoonotic infections—diseases transmitted between animals and humans—are on the rise, and some will make you so sick death will be almost certain.
These sorts of ailments are spread by parasites, fungi, bacteria, and viruses that originate not from pigeons, rats, and other varmint scum, but from within the warm bodies of our beloved household pets. According to Michael Day, lead author of the report and a professor of veterinary pathology at the University of Bristol, “as dogs and cats have moved from the barn to the bedroom, the potential for disease spreading to humans increases.” Michael predicts that the next global health threat could be a pet-borne zoonotic superbug.
Wiener Dog Races!
Dachshunds were originally bred in Germany to hunt badgers, but now that we have grocery stores and vermin-control services, most people who aren’t of royal blood or complete bumpkins frown on running down and killing innocent animals with packs of other animals. Luckily, we found a better purpose for these sausage-shaped dogs: dressing them up like monkeys, lizards, and French people. And we can thank Montreal for this important innovation in adorability. In August, the city held its fifth annual wiener-dog race day, which included costumes, snacks, and lively competitions like “Seriously Stupid Pet Tricks.” Prizes were awarded for the fastest runner, best costume, and bobbing for wieners—that’s like bobbing for apples but with dogs and cocktail wieners, and it’s as amazing as it sounds. Watching all those wiener dogs stuff wieners in their little wiener mouths was 100 times better than all the movies released in the past year put together, and I’d have no problem doing this every day for the rest of my life.
To see more costumed dachshunds compete, check out the newest episode of The Cute Show!
The Cute Show - Dog Circus!
Japan—the country responsible for cat cafés and impossibly adorable big-eyed cartoon characters—is also home to the Super Wan Wan Dog Circus in Tsukuba City. For more than 50 years, owner Hiroaki Uchida has been rescuing abandoned dogs and training them to perform an assortment of tricks, including balancing on huge plastic balls and walking in a conga line with their front paws on each other’s backs. The canines are so talented they hold three Guinness World Records, including one for jumping rope. And I thought jump rope fucking sucked until I watched the happiest looking pooches I’ve ever seen doing it in unison, and now it’s the only thing I want to watch until I die.
You too can die watching this new episode of The Cute Show! now on VICE.com.
The Vice Fashion Issue Party - Featuring Doggy District Fashion Show
Best party of 2012 so far, Vice does it right. Thanks for the invite.
Here’s to dogs and chicks - Cheers, NYFW! - CLICK FOR MORE