So it’s like going to the gym for your vagina?
Yeah, but it’s not like you’re maxing out. You’re not picking up pianos with your vagina—you’re picking up blueberries, so don’t squish them and make a mess. It’s very gentle.
An exhaustive look at the past 9 days in the life of crack-smoking, press-conference holding Toronoto Mayor Rob Ford, the man who’s so awful it’s exhausting.
Orgasmic Meditation Will “Awaken Your Vagina”
Can you wank your way to inner peace? According to the OneTaste movement, you can. OneTaste is an organization dedicated to “the partnered practice of female orgasm,” which it calls orgasmic meditation (OM). This is much like any other form of meditation, only instead of focusing on deep breathing or repeated mantras, OM is all about having someone—anyone—stroke your clitoris for 15 minutes.
It works like this: after building a “nest” out of soft furnishings, the stroking partner lubes a gloved finger, sets a timer for exactly 15 minutes, and strokes the “upper left quadrant” of the woman’s clitoris with no goal but to “feel what is happening in the moment.” Before he (or she) gets down to business, the stroker examines and describes the vagina he’s about to stroke, discussing color, texture, shape, and any feelings he’s having while looking at it. This is a pretty uncomfortable thing to watch. At the end of the allotted time, both parties share a glimpse of their experience, using sentences like, “A white light extended from your pussy through to my finger.” (In OM, the vagina is always, always, a “pussy.”) Theoretically, the experience is equally intense for both participants—stroker and strokee.
OneTaste has grown quickly since it’s founder, Nicole Daedone, set up the first center in San Francisco in 2001. Thousands of flush-faced members now swear by it, while a few critics have gone so far as to describe it as a sex cult. One of Daedone’s most ardent followers is Justine Dawson, a former social worker who used to help homeless women and children but who now dedicates herself full-time to the pursuit of helping women come. I recently had a chat with her to find out why she was so into orgasms.
The Perfect Vagina
While working as a general practitioner, I had a patient who would not stop complaining about her flaps—vaginal flaps, that is, or labia minora, to be precise. Miss Vagina Whiner first came to me saying she had lost all pleasure from sexual intercourse because she was so embarrassed by her saggy lips, which drooped about her clitoris like the slobbery chops of an overbred dog. I found it curious she had shaved prior to her appointment and wondered if this was to highlight the outlandish size of her flaps.
Unfortunately, vaginal aesthetics—much like penis size—is an area where the National Health Service of the UK generally will not intervene. Ugly people are not referred for a face-transplant, and the same applies to bad genital luck. I apologized, saying that there was nothing I could do and that it was an area for a private cosmetic surgeon. I also reassured her that enlarged labia are perfectly normal and common among women, especially after popping out a few babies.
But she was persistent in her taxpayer’s right to free medical attention and returned some weeks later demanding I see her. I again reiterated—declining to take a second look—that there was nothing I could do. The only time the NHS will refer a patient for cosmetic surgery is if the problem is causing pain—the genitals can rub uncomfortably against clothes or during sex—or if the psychological effect is severe. She paused before saying, “If you won’t help me, I’ll just have to do it myself. How do I best cut them off?” Er, you’re really best not to, I don’t care how steady your hand is, chopping bits of your vagina off with scissors in the shower is a bad idea.