German ISIS Supporters Started a Jihadi Social Media Campaign
As ISIS (The Islamic State in Iraq and Syria) brings a horrifying brand of Islamo-fascism to large parts of Iraq with brutal efficiency, their European supporters are cheering them on to Baghdad with social media using the kind of meme-based clicktivism that would look more appropriate coming from facebook environmentalists or Twitter feminists than supporters of murderous extremists.
German ISIS fans created a Facebook campaign where other supporters of the terror group are invited to show their love for the caliphate by writing messages on cardboard signs and uploading them. The campaign, called “One Billion Muslims to Support the Islamic State,” is based around a simple premise, as one of the initiators explains:
“Just write ‘One Billion Muslims to Support the Islamic State’ on an individually designed piece of cardboard. Add your home country, in this case ‘Support from Germany,’ or some trademark of the country… This is an international campaign to thank the lions of our state… So get involved in shaa Allah! May Allah azza wa jall reward you, amin.“
This was the initiator’s post, complete with what looks like a font that is somehow worse than comic sans. The campaign is still very far from its ambitious goal of one billion posts, which they are hoping to reach today. Apart from some brothers in France and Austria, I have been unable to find any evidence that the campaign actually went international.
Still, a decent amount of German Jihadis took part. Their posts pretty much all included the ISIS logo. Often there would also be Arabic hashtags, like “#Dawla Islamiyya” or just “#Dawla,” meaning “The Islamic State” and “#Bi ithnallah,” meaning “By God’s will.”
While the written content was fairly uniform, German ISIS fans unleashed their creativity to support “their lions.“
Just because it’s a holy war doesn’t mean you can’t throw some color in there, right?
Get the Hell off Twitter, Morrissey
Morrissey is now on Twitter. We’re doomed. But I guess that’s progress.
In olden times, you had to wait ages for Morrissey to say that the Chinese were little yellow fungal spores splattered unevenly across the planet who should use their burgeoning space program to build a big rocketship that could cart them all off to the nuclear heart of the sun.
Honestly, under-25s, it was a whole process. First, a journalist had to be summoned. Then, the negotiations as to whether the banner headlines would over-summarize his racial opinions had to be undertaken with a publicist. A venue needed to be found. And a journalist to put his or her tapes in the tape recorder, and ask two questions: “How are you?” and “Do you think the Smiths will ever reform?” An hour later, a groaning tape recorder full of glib jokes and moans would have to be sent off for transcription. Finally, days, weeks, months later, the world would finally know what was wrong with the Chinese (they are a sub-species), and how it could be fixed (with flaming astral death). The headline-writers would then load up their headlines: “Bigmouth Strikes Again!” or something. Then the opinion writers would be summoned to put together essays about how He Really Has Gone Too Far This Time. Then a plucky freelancer would have to be dug up to rail against the backlash, and on and on, forever.
Now, all of that shit is going to be INSTANT. “Cut off the head of Dappy,” Morrissey will poke, one finger at a time, into his Samsung S5, and the three saps who write all the music news blogs will go: “Morrissey Stokes Controversy as He Urges Dappy Beheading.” “You’ll Never Guess What Morrissey Has Said Now…” Gawker will tease. “Beheading Dappy: N-Dubz Hitmaker Hits Back at Moz” the HuffPo will wail, despite its readers having no particular interest in either person.
Gen X Ruined the World Too
Hey, did you hear about the western Antarctic ice sheet? The melting there has reached the point of no return, which means we’re getting an extra ten feet added to our sea levels in the near future. A clear and direct threat to human life as we know it—we should be rioting in the streets, or at least posting more ice memes than net neutrality memes, right? Instead, as everyone knows, the scourge of the postmodern world, the Millennial generation, is too busy updating Snapchat on the iPhones they bought with their parents’ credit cards. But is it really all our fault?
Generation X has a lot more to do with our current shitshow than they believe. I’m not blaming them for the way the world looks—that’s on the Boomers—but our big brothers and sisters in Gen X screwed up our cultural priorities by teaching Millennials that self-obsession is the highest mark of cultural capital.
Everyone’s Tweeting Photos of Police Brutality Thanks to the NYPD’s Failed Hashtag
Twitter is a cool website where you can type any old thing into a box and senpecid it out into the ether for the entire internet to read. Some people use it to joke around, some people use it to be like, “HEY INJUSTICE IS HAPPENING, WHOA #GETINVOLVED” and some people use it in order to roleplay as characters from Sonic the Hedgehog. It’s a lot of fun, especially if you like heated arguments with total strangers.
Large institutions like corporations and government agencies use Twitter too, usually pretty badly. “Hey, we’re a pizza company, send us pictures of you eating our pizza and hashtag them #pizzapics” is an example of a typical lousy tweet from one of these accounts. Generally institutions try to drum up something vague called “social engagement”—basically they want to get people tweeting good stuff about them so other people see those tweets and, I guess, come to think good thoughts about the institution who started the engagement campaign. The New York Police Department was probably thinking they could do one of those social engagement thingies when they launched the hashtag #MyNYPD with this tweet:
What the person running the Twitter account probably failed to realize is that most people’s interactions with the cops fall into a few categories:
1. You are talking to them to get help after you or someone you knew was robbed, beaten, murdered, or sexually assaulted.
2. You are getting arrested.
3. You are getting beaten by the police.
Last time we checked in on British Jihadists, they were posting snaps of themselves messing about in swimming pools, hoarding Cadbury’s chocolates from home, and generally having a good time. Everything has changed.
"Behead first, ask questions later"
Advice for the Twitter Professional at US Airways Who Tweeted Hardcore Porn
Late last night, someone was complaining to US Airways about a bad experience she had had with that airline. This is an entirely normal thing to do—as much as 75 percent of Twitter’s content is users bitching about airlines being awful and the airlines’ corporate Twitter accounts apologizing and asking the dissatisfied customers to fill out online complaint forms. The person running the @USAirways account followed the script when responding this afternoon, apologizing profusely and politely. Then @USAirways tweeted an extraordinarily graphic picture of a naked woman holding her legs up and apart to reveal a model airplane jammed rather immodestly into her vagina. That was not a normal thing to do. Here’s how the exchange went:
THEN THERE WAS A FUCKING PHOTO OF A LADY WITH A PLANE IN HER JUNK. (Link here, but it’s NSFW because it’s the kind of weird, vaguely funny porn that no one even masturbates to.)
Amazingly, that photo stayed online FOR A FUCKING HOUR while everyone on Twitter was like “lol” and “wtf” and “smh” and “haha now we know where Flight 370 is right? oh shit too soon my bad.” Then US Airways was like, “We apologize for an inappropriate image recently shared as a link in one of our responses. We’ve removed the tweet and are investigating,” as if there were a black box recording of a twentysomething hitting Command-V in the wrong text box, or as if there were some kind of vast conspiracy to make everyone look at a picture of some lady having carnal relations with a toy.
To see what kind of #SocialMedia and #Branding lessons could be drawn from this incident, I talked to Hanson O’Haver, the VICE Social Editor—a.k.a. the guy who runs the @VICE Twitter account.
VICE: What did the person running the US Airways do wrong? Or did they do anything wrong?
Hanson O’Haver: Well, I did a little digging and it looks like the image they posted actually came from this tweet:
If you delete a tweet where you uploaded a photo, the link would be dead, so you can tell it originates from someone else’s account, not @USAirways.
What probably happened is that they were tweeted that link, copy/pasted it to send around for laughs or for some HR report, and then went to reply to the other person’s comment. They just pasted in the link and didn’t realize that the link they had meant to use hadn’t copied.
OK, and from a social media point of view, if you’re running a corporate Twitter account, do you generally want to tweet images of hard-core, graphic pornography? Or is that more of a social media “don’t”?
I mean, yeah, that’s generally looked down upon by clients. But in terms of increasing engagement, it’s certainly effective. Put it this way: US Airways wasn’t trending nationwide before they sent an angry customer a photo of a toy plane inside a vagina.
Social Media Dipshits: Stop Treating Us Like Fuckwits
Attention social media managers: Stop calling yourselves “social media snipers,” “digital Sinatras,” “digital inventionists,” “technology whisperers,” “content kings,” “brand activators,” “brand pollinators,” and “change agents” (all terms pulled from actual Twitter bios of social media “pros”).
What you are: admen and adwomen. Every update you create is a little ad for your brand; a free (FREE!) golden opportunity to be smart, funny, emotional, informative… something,anything other than moronic.
And yet, here we are again. According to my lazy research on social media “content” makers—via personal experience and my Twitter followers—almost all of these social media dipshits appear to be in their 20s. Are older, tech-averse brand and marketing managers really handing the social media keys to recent college grads just because they know some code and Photoshop? That’s just plain dumb, for reasons I have outlined below.
Anthropomorphizing your product is a popular ad concept, but creatively speaking, it’s lazy as hell. Still, it’s been very effective for many brands—M&M’s, the Scrubbing Bubbles, creepy naked Mr. Peanut, etc.
Strongbow is the world’s biggest-selling cider and, according to Wikipedia, “named after the knight Richard de Clare, later Earl of Pembroke, nicknamed ‘Strongbow’ for relying heavily on Welsh archers during campaigns in Ireland where at the time the Irish had few bows and relied on javelins.”
“Maguire” (as in “Jerry Maguire”) is an Irish surname. If only one of those Irish javelin throwers (possibly named Maguire) had had better aim, maybe there wouldn’t have been a Strongbow cider, and then I wouldn’t have been subjected to this abjectly stupid Facebook post.
Nancy Grace’s Insane, Murder-Fueled Twitter Brilliance
Out of the frothy, weird sea of people typing stuff into Twitter, hardly anyone makes me laugh as often, or genuinely shocks me more, than Nancy Grace. Thousands upon thousands of wannabe writers and comedians attempt to subvert Twitter’s format and play with surreal connections and black humor, but I doubt anyone has ever topped “I want answers #BoxOfInfants”—a tweet that, like “For sale: baby shoes, never worn,” is a brilliant and complete short story told in the space of a single sentence.
Nancy Grace, for the uninitiated, is a former prosecutor who hosts her self-titled show on HLN, where she becomes furious at the evils that men do four times a week and stops just short of calling for the public execution of criminals. Like any vigilante, she’s got a backstory tinged with tragedy: She dreamed of becoming an English teacher until her college fiancé, Keith, was gunned down in front of a convenience store. From that moment on, she pledged that she would devote herself to fighting evil. “I would go to law school, become a prosecutor, and put people in jail who hurt victims like Keith,” she wrote of her life-changing epiphany.
She was really, really good at putting people in jail—she once told Larry King she never lost a case—though she was also later cited for pretty serious ethics violations. She went to television armed with that same zeal for watching people get thrown behind bars and the same disregard for any code of professional conduct.
Why Walt Whitman Was the Original Kanye West, According to James Franco
In this age of social media, self-promotion is the name of the game. We all have our little avatars, our little pictures and texts that we put out into the electronic world, that we hope get “liked.” Walt Whitman too was a self promoter, a performer, a purveyor of self.
“I exist as I am, that is enough,” says Whitman in the 1855 version of “Song of Myself,”
If no other in the world be aware I sit content
And if each and all be aware I sit content (“Song of Myself,” 46)
These enlightened sentiments are typical of Whitman in thisr first edition of Leaves of Grass, but these renunciations of investment in fame are not wholly true. Whitman’s actions show that he decidedly did care if readers were aware of him. After the initial publication of Leaves of Grass, a run of 800 copies, he wrote at least three anonymous reviews, both touting and criticizing but ultimately publicizing in the boldest kind of language his own work. The following quote from an articlehe he wrote for the United States Review in 1855 called “Walt Whitman and his Poems” shows another view Whitman had of himself:
Who then is that insolent unknown? Who is it, praising himself as if others were not fit to do it, and coming rough and unbidden among writers to unsettle what was settled, and to revolutionize in fact our modern civilizations? … You have come in good time, Walt Whitman! In opinions, in manners, in costumes, in books, in the aims and occupancy of life, in associates, in poems. (“Walt Whitman and his Poems,” Whitman)