Florida Teenagers Got Caught in a Snapchat-Fueled Robbery – This Week in Teens
Summer break sounds amazing in June, but by August the teens have grown restless. They’re broke, they’ve got all these hormones that they can’t properly act on, and Mom’s at work. Today’s teens are left at home with little more than technology and other teens to keep them company. It’s with this sense of boredom and the possibility of danger in mind that we turn to our top story This Week in Teens.
A 15-year-old boy in Florida got a Snapchat of his cousin holding a stack of cash, so he and four of his friends decided to rob his cousin’s house. They would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for his cousin’s pesky dogs, and the fact that the rest of his family was home. The teens ran from the house, taking a laptop with them, but were caught by police—because that’s what happens when your aunt sees you robbing her house. This story is truly a perfect encapsulation of the way teens live now. The traditional teen traits of confusion-fueled idiocy and responding to the pressures of capitalism with petty crime are compounded by technology. Snapchat, an app that’s wildly popular among young people, is being valued at around $10 billion. Teens are an instrumental part of the app’s success, so there’s a certain poetry in the idea that the app is inspiring them to commit crimes for cash.
Check out the rest of This Week in Teens
Photos and creative direction by Annette Lamothe-Ramos; styling by Miyako Bellizzi. Special thanks to the time-warped city of Wildwood, New Jersey.
Avoidsex on the beach: “Sand gets everywhere” is the cliched advice. Arguably more persuasive is the advice that, these days, so do people’s cameras.
—A Girl’s Guide to Not Being a Dick This Summer
– Bucket hats are essentially rap fedoras, let’s abort them now.
− Don’t be the guy who doesn’t wear shorts.
− Skinny shorts on men need to be expunged from history, as they make it really easy for people to picture what you’d look like naked except for a T-shirt and socks, AKA the most unattractive a man can ever be.
− The recently popularity of vests has been a failed experiment, no one wants to see your spider-y pit pubes and they make you look like one of the Satanists from True Detective.
− Everyone is onto the buttoned-up-to-the-top polo shirt look, so it’s time for the rest of us to cut that thing loose, although I will concede it did make us all look very smart for a few summers.
− John Lennon style sunglasses have been making a tentative comeback, it’s probably best they don’t, eh?
Read the whole guide
A Boy’s Guide to Not Being a Dick This Summer
Inevitably, summer is coming. There’s plenty of room here to cite some recent articles about heatwaves, climate change, and girls wearing shorts, but you’re not basement dwelling Redditors or people who review metal records on YouTube, you’ve been outside in just a T-shirt already this year, you don’t need to be babied.
In fact, given that you’re all such sophisticated young adults, we can afford to skim over park etiquette right now. If for some strange reason you haven’t got this yet, here’s the bare bones of how to conduct yourself in a park:
– Stereo = dickhead
– Ukulele = dickhead
– Guitar = dickhead
– Bongos = dickhead
– Sitting in a circle = dickhead
– Disposable BBQ = dickhead
– Upturned bin = dickhead
– Trying to impress children by curling their footballs back to them = dickhead
Now we’re clear on the basics, let’s firm up a few other summer-related issues that you might not be so au fait with.
The Greatest Summer Jam Since 1980, Round 2
Hello, internet. It’s us, your friends at Noisey. We decided to determine the greatest summer jam since 1980, tournament style. After a Round One that was tabulated by our resident goofball Luke Winkie, we decided to open the tournament up to voting from a panel of elite Internet Explorers and mage-level Netscape Navigators so that we might bring a sense of professionalism and objectivity to such a precise and scientific quest.
Because what is a “summer jam,” anyways? Is it a song that dominated the summer it was released in? Is it a song that only sounds good when it’s over 85 degrees out? Verily, nay. The summer jam is an ineffable beast; a riddle wrapped inside of an enigma wrapped inside a hook so obvious and dumb that whoever wrote them invariably deserves a MacArthur Genius Grant. It’s nostalgic but somehow casts an eye towards a better future. It’s not necessarily sexual, but when deployed correctly, the summer jam makes everyone within earshot a minimum of 10% sexier.
Some housekeeping before we get to the winners: Last round, people on the internet complained that lots of these songs didn’t come out in the summer, and that the songs we picked from the 80’s were arbitrary and that we left out actual genuine summer jams from the era. To these notions, we scoff. The summer jam is about living in the now; it doesn’t matter when a summer jam was released as long as it truly and unequivocally jams in the summer. In the galaxy of the summer jam, the past only exists to mine from so that your summer of now may shine brighter. Destroy your idols. Fuck Don Henley’s “The Boys of Summer.” The Ataris’ version is better, anyways.
Read on to find out who’s still in, who’s out, and why.
All your favorite Noisey writers wrote about their favorite summer jams. (Mine’s “Big Pimpin’”.)