This one’s really really good.
THIS WEEK IN DRAKE - BIRTHDAY EDITION
Drake turns 26 today, which means a lot of things to me. I don’t like to discuss my age, but let’s just say that we could have gone to high school together, had he moved to El Cajon in lieu of dropping out to pursue acting. We hate it when people in our general peer group become successful rappers, or something. I guess it’s similar to how I watched this kid I knew when I was seven pitch in the playoffs this year and even though I hope dude gets Best New Pitcher I’m still pretty glad his team didn’t make it to the World Series, you know? Despite the fact that I’ve never had any desire to be a rapper or athlete I still sometimes feel like they’ve accomplished exponentially more than me. Not that I’m not doing all right—I can afford to buy several adult beers and Chipotle and a pint of ice cream at least four nights/week—but I do use the terms “tuxedo” and “suit” and “blazer” interchangeably, whereas these dudes are going on private jets. Life is ultimately meaningless and no one wins, so it’s fine. It’s fine.
26 is an important year though, because it means that Drake has one year left to do dangerous drugs before he will automatically die from doing them. Now I don’t think that Drake really does the drugs that kill people, but if I were him I would probably make this the last year that I mess with lean, just in case. I don’t want 2013 to be the year they start letting rappers into the 27 Club.
This Week in Drake #2
- The big Drake news of the week is Drake’s cover interview with GQ. It’s sort of a short piece, about how he made it and how now he’s rich but still isn’t totally happy. Which is nothing new, assuming you’ve heard any Drake songs. The interview ends with the writer asking to see Drake’s bedroom and then this:
“When I ask about the strange square above the bed, he grabs a remote, and a projection system emerges from the ceiling. Neato, I say. ‘Would I have you already?’ he asks. ‘Are you sleeping with me?’ Time to go! It’s a hypothetical question (I think), but Drake, being Drake, still wants an answer: ‘We had wine and dinner by the pool, I brought you inside, I brought the projector down; are you or are you not sleeping with me?’”
We’re left to assume that they didn’t sleep together, but, like, maybe they could have? Cord Jefferson put it best when he just tweeted: “What does journalism school tell you to do when the rapper asks to fuck you? What class is that? I just have my bachelor’s.”
P.S. Remember that G-Unit song that went “Hell yeah I fuck fans, guess what? Your favorite rapper does too.”
In other news:
- Music writer-extrordinaire Julianne Escobedo Shepherd tweeted “Feel how you feel about Drake, but this dude got an xx song on Hot 97,” to which others noted that he also got Gil Scott Heron on Hot 97. (Drake’s “Take Care” heavily samples Jamie-xx’s remix of Gil Scott Heron’s “I’ll Take Care of You”.) That’s cool and all, but: The album that the original “I’ll Take Care of You” comes from, I’m New Here, was named after and features a cover of Smog’s “I’m New Here”. Which means that, essentially, we were super close to living in a universe where you could tweet “Feel how you feel about Drake, but this dude got Rihanna, Jamie xx, Gil Scott Heron, and Bill Callahan/Smog on Hot 97 ON THE SAME SONG.”
- Drake also did a video interview with GQ, in which he kind of dissed plaid. Which is fine, but honestly, there are only so many different types of shirts guys can wear to look sort of nice. Without plaid there’s basically just plain oxford & striped, which means that, in an office with 20 dudes, 4 or 5 people are going to be wearing the same shirt. Plus what am I supposed to do? Just throw away all my plaid shirts? I’m not made of money. In the interview Drake also talks about how he likes to wear all black and mentions that he sometimes eats alone at nice restaurants, which I doubt. It’s kind of boring. His beard looks impeccable.
- Also, this::
This Week in Drake
Earlier this afternoon I had the idea of starting a new tumblr column called “This Week in Drake”. I asked if you thought that was a good idea, and you made your opinions very clear. “No,” you said, adding, “no,” “uh, no,” “nope,” “die,” “are you guys putting different things in drake then?” and “fuck no.” To which I’d respond: YOLO. And so, without further ado, here’s This Week in Drake:
- DMX is back and to celebrate that fact he’s doing interviews. One of his talking points is Drake, whose haircut he doesn’t like. This is only like a 3/10 on the DMX outrageousness scale (remember when he was like “What the fuck is a Barack?”) but it’s still pretty funny. (Full disclosure: Once my friends told me a story about being 14 and smoking pot in the woods in rural Pennsylvania and then having DMX & his crew appear out of nowhere on ATVs. I don’t remember the exact details can you imagine how insane that would be?)
- Paris Hilton put out a new song that can only be described as post-Drake. I know this sounds ridiculous and maybe you think I’m doing that thing where you take something lowbrow and act like its a serious work of art, so let me make clear: Hilton’s song doesn’t approach Drake’s in terms of quality. But thematically it’s all there: Hilton’s “Drunk Text,” with its repeated insistence that “It was just a drunk text,” would make a great b-side to “Marvin’s Room,” a song built around a voicemail asking “Are you drunk right now?” Both songs talk about easy, meaningless sex in a way that suggests that it’s simultaneously emotionally unsatisfying and also something the artists are going to keep doing, thus perfectly encapsulating the best and worst effects of technology.
- Drake went to the gym, played some concerts, and posed like he was peeing.
- Major Label A&R execs apparently met recently to be like, “Hey, how can we make a video that Hanson is super psyched about… Oh and Dan Bejar, Bill Callahan, and puppies are all busy the day we film.” They came up with Waka Flocka’s new video for “Round of Applause,” which features the world’s cuddliest rapper (Waka) and Toronto’s very own, surrounded by ass ass ass ass. Drake even does a little bit of acting in the clip*, playing some sort of crime boss in an ill-advised semi-plot about Waka Flocka trying to save a girl from herself. Anyway, the video’s cool.
*Side note: A lot of people seem to think I’m only interested in Drake because he played a boy in a wheelchair in a Canadian soap opera for teenagers. Which, no, sorry, I’ve never even really seen that show. (Are you guys all Canadian or something?) I’m interested in Drake because he’s a weirdo who makes weird decisions that seem terrible on paper (e.g. centering a song around a voicemail from an ex-girlfriend) and they totally work. It’s not ironic; I’m not one of those suburban kids wearing a Tupac “Thug Life” shirt. I just think Drake is a talented, morose dude with confidence issues, and that’s probably my favorite type of singer.