Sad-Ass Music
Alright let’s get all up in this shit.
So the world, in fact, DID NOT END on December 21. I know this because I was sitting pretty with my roommates, in the living room of our house, ripping the shit out of X-Mas gifts. We celebrated early just in case the real armageddony type shit did pop off. But guess what? By 12 AM—December 22—I was drunk as fuck watching those same roommates play in their little band with a bunch of other totally alive motherfuckers standing around me. So… Yeah, no end of the world. Hurray.
So while we’re all alive, LET’S FUCKING PARTY.
Here we go: Sad songs you could totally get away with slipping on at a party…
Air, “Playground Love”
Now, you might think this is a cop out, but it’s not. Listen to this groove-banger and tell me it’s not gloomy as shit, while all around foxy as shit. The laid back percussion, the lush synth atmospheres, and bright and bold sax lines. All this from a main track from the motherfucking VIRGIN SUICIDES score. Sure, “Sexy Boy” is a much more frolicking, get-down-make-love type jam, but we’re attacking from our patented strong & sad angle, and “Playground Love” works much better from that position. Those Lisbon Girls…
For Similar Results: Björk’s “All Is Full Of Love” / Stereolab’s “Captain Easychord” – especially the second half / Cornelius’ “God Only Knows”
Grandaddy, “Jed’s Other Poem (Beautiful Ground)”
I probably could’ve went with some other, more well-known Grandaddy songs, but really, this one’s my favorite. The whole vibe of this one, honestly, sort of just makes me want to imagine myself as a weird, fucked up soul-vampire, kind of like Sean Bateman did in Rules Of Attraction. Dawson was a stone-cold freakazoid in that movie—I never read the book, well kind of, I did read the last page to see if it really did end all abrupt, mid-sentence AND IT TOTALLY DOES! Anyway, yeah, something about the slow, pulsing organ and the droning synths, just makes me wanna roll through crowds of dumb faces and scowl. Sometimes you just got to get really weird and raw in a thick crowd of heads. I also really like when he says, “I try to sing it funny like Beck, but it’s bringing me down.” Good line.
For Similar Results: Mercury Rev’s “Pick Up If You’re There” / Spiritualized’s “Death Take Your Fiddle” /Clinic’s “Distortions”
Nine Inch Nails, “Somewhat Damaged”
I think Trent’s written a lot of somber, distressing tunes that have been heavily disguised as something perhaps a bit more flustered, pushing towards angsty, unnerved, and chaotic; when they’re really just tales of desperation, isolation, and a sense of full-bore uneasiness. “Somewhat Damaged,” sounds pretty fucking vicious with lines like “lick around divine debris, taste the wealth of hate in me” and “tear a hole exquisite red, fuck the rest and stab it dead.” So yeah, OK, Trent is pretty pissed, I get it. What we’re really dealing with here, is a tale of loss, a change for the worse. “How could I ever think it’s funny how everything you swore would never change is diferent now?” Trent’s screaming about how fucked it is that everything he had come to know and have faith in has changed abruptly; guess it could be a lovey-dovey kinda thing, or who really knows. That’s the way it speaks to me and most every other human that’s had a relation-SHIT go sour, right? So how well would this go over at a party? Well as long as your partygoers don’t masturbate to the Garden State soundtrack on a regular basis, all heads are gonna burst into headbang city when this heavy pummeler charges out of the speakers. Get wild. TOO FUCKED UP TO CARE ANYMORE!
For Simliar Results: Sisters Of Mercy’s “Lucretia My Reflection” / Marilyn Manson’s “Man That You Fear”/ Team Sleep’s “Your Skull Is Red”
Continue

Sad-Ass Music

Alright let’s get all up in this shit.

So the world, in fact, DID NOT END on December 21. I know this because I was sitting pretty with my roommates, in the living room of our house, ripping the shit out of X-Mas gifts. We celebrated early just in case the real armageddony type shit did pop off. But guess what? By 12 AM—December 22—I was drunk as fuck watching those same roommates play in their little band with a bunch of other totally alive motherfuckers standing around me. So… Yeah, no end of the world. Hurray.

So while we’re all alive, LET’S FUCKING PARTY.

Here we go: Sad songs you could totally get away with slipping on at a party…

Air, “Playground Love”

Now, you might think this is a cop out, but it’s not. Listen to this groove-banger and tell me it’s not gloomy as shit, while all around foxy as shit. The laid back percussion, the lush synth atmospheres, and bright and bold sax lines. All this from a main track from the motherfucking VIRGIN SUICIDES score. Sure, “Sexy Boy” is a much more frolicking, get-down-make-love type jam, but we’re attacking from our patented strong & sad angle, and “Playground Love” works much better from that position. Those Lisbon Girls…

For Similar Results: Björk’s “All Is Full Of Love” / Stereolab’s “Captain Easychord” – especially the second half / Cornelius’ “God Only Knows”

Grandaddy, “Jed’s Other Poem (Beautiful Ground)”

I probably could’ve went with some other, more well-known Grandaddy songs, but really, this one’s my favorite. The whole vibe of this one, honestly, sort of just makes me want to imagine myself as a weird, fucked up soul-vampire, kind of like Sean Bateman did in Rules Of Attraction. Dawson was a stone-cold freakazoid in that movie—I never read the book, well kind of, I did read the last page to see if it really did end all abrupt, mid-sentence AND IT TOTALLY DOES! Anyway, yeah, something about the slow, pulsing organ and the droning synths, just makes me wanna roll through crowds of dumb faces and scowl. Sometimes you just got to get really weird and raw in a thick crowd of heads. I also really like when he says, “I try to sing it funny like Beck, but it’s bringing me down.” Good line.

For Similar Results: Mercury Rev’s “Pick Up If You’re There” / Spiritualized’s “Death Take Your Fiddle” /Clinic’s “Distortions”

Nine Inch Nails, “Somewhat Damaged”

I think Trent’s written a lot of somber, distressing tunes that have been heavily disguised as something perhaps a bit more flustered, pushing towards angsty, unnerved, and chaotic; when they’re really just tales of desperation, isolation, and a sense of full-bore uneasiness. “Somewhat Damaged,” sounds pretty fucking vicious with lines like “lick around divine debris, taste the wealth of hate in me” and “tear a hole exquisite red, fuck the rest and stab it dead.” So yeah, OK, Trent is pretty pissed, I get it. What we’re really dealing with here, is a tale of loss, a change for the worse. “How could I ever think it’s funny how everything you swore would never change is diferent now?” Trent’s screaming about how fucked it is that everything he had come to know and have faith in has changed abruptly; guess it could be a lovey-dovey kinda thing, or who really knows. That’s the way it speaks to me and most every other human that’s had a relation-SHIT go sour, right? So how well would this go over at a party? Well as long as your partygoers don’t masturbate to the Garden State soundtrack on a regular basis, all heads are gonna burst into headbang city when this heavy pummeler charges out of the speakers. Get wild. TOO FUCKED UP TO CARE ANYMORE!

For Simliar Results: Sisters Of Mercy’s “Lucretia My Reflection” / Marilyn Manson’s “Man That You Fear”Team Sleep’s “Your Skull Is Red”

Continue

Cry-Baby of the Week
Cry-Baby #1: Nina Chaplin

The incident: A woman was unhappy with the Christmas dinner she bought.
The appropriate response: Complaining to the people that she bought the dinner from AND THEN SHUTTING UP AND NOT TELLING ANOTHER PERSON ABOUT IT BECAUSE NOBODY FUCKING CARES.
The actual response: She went to the Daily Mail, and sat there holding up her sad little dinner in a bag while some poor idiot took photos of her. 
Nina Chaplin (pictured above, disgusted) paid $60 per person for her family to eat at a chain restaurant called The Cricketers. Which is one of those chains that isn’t Applebees, but the menus are so sticky it may as well be. 
The dinner, apparently, was not very good. The meat seemed to be frozen rather than fresh, and the Christmas pudding was “rubbery.”
Later in the article, Nina brings her dead mother into it:
"Mrs Chaplin said she felt ripped off after paying almost £400 for the meal for 11 at The Cricketers in Rainham, Kent. She had decided to take her family out for Christmas lunch as a treat for her father, Bob Lander, 62.
‘This time of year is always hard for my dad because my mom died at Christmas some 13 years ago, so we always try to make it extra special for him,’ said Mrs Chaplin, 41.”
While I have a certain amount of sympathy for in those circumstances, she then goes on to say that she feels the most sorry for her father, who “suffers from emphysema and had saved up his pension money to pay for his meal.” So you took him out for a “treat” to help him deal with the death of his wife, and he had to pay for it himself out of his own pension money? Jeeeeeez.
Meet Cry-Baby #2 and Vote!

Cry-Baby of the Week

Cry-Baby #1: Nina Chaplin

The incident: A woman was unhappy with the Christmas dinner she bought.

The appropriate response: Complaining to the people that she bought the dinner from AND THEN SHUTTING UP AND NOT TELLING ANOTHER PERSON ABOUT IT BECAUSE NOBODY FUCKING CARES.

The actual response: She went to the Daily Mail, and sat there holding up her sad little dinner in a bag while some poor idiot took photos of her. 

Nina Chaplin (pictured above, disgusted) paid $60 per person for her family to eat at a chain restaurant called The Cricketers. Which is one of those chains that isn’t Applebees, but the menus are so sticky it may as well be. 

The dinner, apparently, was not very good. The meat seemed to be frozen rather than fresh, and the Christmas pudding was “rubbery.”

Later in the article, Nina brings her dead mother into it:

"Mrs Chaplin said she felt ripped off after paying almost £400 for the meal for 11 at The Cricketers in Rainham, Kent. She had decided to take her family out for Christmas lunch as a treat for her father, Bob Lander, 62.

‘This time of year is always hard for my dad because my mom died at Christmas some 13 years ago, so we always try to make it extra special for him,’ said Mrs Chaplin, 41.”

While I have a certain amount of sympathy for in those circumstances, she then goes on to say that she feels the most sorry for her father, who “suffers from emphysema and had saved up his pension money to pay for his meal.” So you took him out for a “treat” to help him deal with the death of his wife, and he had to pay for it himself out of his own pension money? Jeeeeeez.

Meet Cry-Baby #2 and Vote!