Which Twin Peaks Character Are You? – Taken by Westboro member Steve Drain.
Q. Pick a movie
A. Fargo (“I like the Coen Brothers a lot. Their films tend to be morality plays.”)
Q. What term best describes you?
A. Loyal (“I hope to be loyal in my service to God.”)
Q. Pick a song
A. “Money” by Pink Floyd (“I think they’re a very underrated band.”)
Q. What’s your ideal Friday night?
A. Hanging with your significant other (“I love my wife, she’s the wife of my youth. And the Lord tells us to rejoice with the wife of thy youth.”)
Q. Pick a food
A. Maraschino cherries (“I put maraschino cherries in soda. I think it spices it up.”)
Q. Describe your personal style
A. No. (“I don’t think any of the other stuff really describes me very well.”)
Q. Pick a TV show
A. Breaking Bad (“It’s a very interesting story. It’s complex. I don’t like stories where you already know what’s going to happen. Though I’ve gotta tell you, with all of his supposed love for his wife and son, rather than deciding to be a meth kingpin, he could’ve just trusted that the Lord would take care of his son and wife.”)
"Who is that? I guess he’s one of the prime suspects for killing the girl. He looks like he’s a good-looking, clean-cut kid. Which means he doesn’t at all resemble me."
See more Buzzfeed quizzes taken by Westboro Baptist Church members
Which Pop Star Should Be Your Best Friend? – Taken by Westboro Baptist Church member Rebekah Phelps-Roper.
Q. What would you like to do for a night out?
A. Go see some live music. (“We sing a lot of parodies of popular music. I sing the Lorde one, you can hear it on our Soundcloud.”)
Q. What do you usually talk about?
A. How to make the world a better place. (“By preaching, because that is the only way anything can get better.”)
Q. What should your best friend do if you get dumped?
A. Try to make you laugh. (“I don’t date, so I’m answering as though a man at a picket yelled at me.”)
Q. How do you feel about gossip?
A. Haters gonna hate. (“That pretty much describes everyone who talks about us, including the media.”)
Q. Which show would you binge watch?
A. Adventure Time. (“I haven’t binge watched a show since Grey’s Anatomy.”)
Q. And what would you like to eat while you’re watching it?
A. Popcorn and Diet Coke. (“Whatever you’re going to eat, make sure it’s in moderation, because that’s how you’re meant to live your life.”)
Q. How would your best friend celebrate your birthday?
A. Bake you a cake. (“I love celebrating things with cakes, including birthdays.”)
Q. What should be the tone of their toast at your wedding?
A. Earnest. (“Because weddings are, of course, solemn things.”)
"We picketed Taylor Swift! She would not be my best friend, because I would tell her very kindly and gently, ‘you have to stop sleeping around with men, girl.’ The Lord hates that."
See more Buzzfeed quizzes taken by Westboro Baptist Church members
We Got Members of the Westboro Baptist Church to Take Buzzfeed Quizzes
As I’m sure you’ve heard, Fred Phelps, founder and head-dickhead of the Westboro Baptist Church, has died.
Presumably this has been a game changer in the Westboro world, and I wanted to get to know the new them. And what better way to get to know someone than making them do a bunch of Buzzfeed quizzes? They have told me many, many things about myself and others that I never knew (and also probably didn’t want to know, TBH.)
Below is how the members of the church answered the quizzes I sent to them. The answer they selected is presented with a short quote from them explaining their choice. Enjoy!
Which Sex and the City Guy Is Your Soulmate? – Taken by Westboro member Mara Phelps
Q. Pick a dress color for your first date
A. Black ("Black is the color of the human soul. We have no good in us.")
Q. Pick the activity for your first date
A. Dancing (“King David danced in the street after seeing the Lord’s divine rule acted out.”)
Q. Where do you want to sleep right now?
A. A four poster bed. (“It reminds me of Roman times, when people had the word of God with them.”)
Q. What would you want for your anniversary?
A. A dog. (“Because dogs are loyal.”)
Q. Pick a dog
A. A terrier. (“It reminds me of a dog called April that we used to have. And someone, in the middle of the night, broke in and slit her throat.”)
Q. Pick a flower
A. An iris (“When we first moved to this house, we could see these flowers outside.”)
Q. Which New York City tourist attraction would you actually like to visit?
A. The Empire State Building. (“It couldn’t have been made unless God had given the engineers and the people who built it the ability to do so.”)
Q. Pick a romantic comedy
A. Pretty Woman (“She was supposedly a prostitute with a heart of gold. This generation has been raised to think being promiscuous is something to be proud of. And it is not.”)
Q. Which word makes you squirm?
A. Ooze (“There’s a sickness to it. The Lord has cursed fags with AIDS which causes them to have sores that ooze.”)
Q. When looking for a boyfriend, which of the following is most important?
A. Loyalty. (“It’s important for people to have loyalty to one’s brothers.”)
Q. Pick a brunch dish
A. Grapefruit. (“It looks really healthy.”)
"I’m not familiar with this character or the show at all. It says he expects the perfect wife. A lot of people expect things to be perfect for them even though they don’t deserve it."
An Interview with Fred Phelp’s Son Nathan
Westboro Baptist Church founder and world-famous bastard Fred Phelps died last week — and it doesn’t look like he’ll be missed even by a large part of his large family (he had 13 children and 54 grandchildren), who still make up a large part of what remains of the WBC.
So far, more than 20 members of the Phelps family have left the church due to his behavior and WBC’s practices. One of them is Nathan Phelps, who left the Kansas family house at 18, accusing his father of, among other things, child abuse. Having completely denounced the WBC dogma, Nathan now lives in Canada, calls himself an atheist, and is an avid supporter of LGBT rights. He has also spent the past few years giving speeches and interviews about his experience as a member of WBC.
Back in 2012, I had the honor of having Nate stay as a guest in my house for a few days. Once I heard about his father’s death, and with the Facebook announcement Nate made about it in mind, I got in touch with him again.
VICE: Hey Nate, how do you feel about your dad dying?
Nathan Phelps: I haven’t seen my father in over 35 years. I spoke to him once, briefly, in 1995. Ten years after I left home, I went through a deliberate mourning process for the loss of my family. Between that and the passage of time, I believed I would have no feelings when he passed. I was surprised that there were feelings when I learned of his condition and then his death. I’ve now had a few days to consider those feelings, and I think the sadness is over what might have been.
When you revealed that your father was dying a few days ago, you said family members that left the church were being blocked from seeing him. If you had been able to, would you have wanted to see him one last time in person?
In a perfect world, I would have jumped at that chance. I left that place 37 years ago as a fearful young man. The absence of interaction, an opportunity to process that, only means I still have that fear to contend with. If there were the least bit of evidence that our relationship had changed in his eyes, I would be there in a heartbeat. Other than that, my greatest concern was for my family members who had expressed a desire to see him and were being denied that opportunity.
Westboro Baptist Church Founder Fred Phelps Has Died – Fuck That Guy
So, Fred Phelps has gone to live with the big fag-hater in the sky. America mourns. The rainbow flags are fluttering at half mast. Really, you can’t overestimate how cut up the nation is. Who, for example, is left to piss all over the country’s dead soldiers? It’s a responsibility everyone will have to shoulder together.
Saddest of all, the big ol’ flirt ended his days estranged from even the two dozen people he’d made it his life’s work to keep tame and mute. Excommunicated from his church and emotionally exiled from 99.9 percent of the human race, Fred Phelps died as alone as it is possible for a man to be. Pity him for his grim motiveless anger, but let’s at least remember him as he would have wanted us to: as a psychotic, sadistic life-wrecker and overall pretty bad egg. He certainly didn’t want your pity, as the following catalog of ugh will show.
Continue reading about how terrible Fred Phelps was
The Leader of the Satanic Temple Weighs In on Fred Phelps’s Impending Death
Yesterday Nathan Phelps, the son of Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps,posted a note on Facebook claiming that his father is “on the edge of death at Midland Hospice house in Topeka, Kansas.” He also mentioned that Fred was excommunicated from the church in August of last year, but didn’t give any details as to why. Although the information at this point is sparse and unofficial, Westboro spokesman and Radiohead fanboy Steve Drain told the Daily News ”Fred Phelps is having some health problems. He’s an old man and old people get health problems.”
In celebration of the icy hand of death caressing Fred’s gross old body, we reached out to Lucien Greaves, the founder of the Satanic Temple, who last summer performed a "Pink Mass" over the grave of Fred’s mother in order to turn her into a lesbian in the afterlife. When we spoke to him then he told us, “Fred himself is getting pretty long in the tooth, and I hope to be presiding over his Pink Mass before long,” so yesterday we asked Lucien what he thought of the recent news of Fred’s demise, and if there are still plans to turn him gay after he dies. We have republished his response in full below.
It is often considered proper form for the remaining party among two established enemies, when one is dead or dying, to make disingenuous statements of remorse—to express that ‘nobody wishes death’ upon their opponent. You’ll find no such dissembling from me. As I write this, Fred Phelps is now in the process of doing probably the one thing that he’ll ever do for which he will have my gratitude: he is dying. And while some part of me thinks, the sooner the better, another part of me hopes he lingers long enough to savor the full terror that must consume a mind as superstitious and bitterly haunted as his during its last moments of life.
This Guy Shot a Porno on the Westboro Baptist Church’s Lawn
A week ago, Get Shot! was a relatively unknown punk band in Sacramento, but two days ago they released “Westboro Fingerbang,” a video of their bassist, Laura, masturbating on the front lawn of Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas. Since then, they’ve received over a thousand new facebook likes and literally become famous over night. I got in touch with the band’s lead singer, J.P. Hunter, to talk about why he made the movie and what’s next for Get Shot!
Why did you decide to shoot porn on the Westboro Baptist Church’s lawn?
J.P. Hunter: Everything in the book has been done to Westboro, but no one has actually filmed porn in front of their church. They’re used to going to other people’s sacred territory: gay soldiers funerals, other churches, Bon Jovi concerts, you name it. We’re trying to put a stance out that says, “Don’t be scared, you can fuck with these people.”
How did you make the video?
We tour. We went to Kansas City, Topeka, and Denver, and we planned the little Westboro stunt. We were supposed to have a porn star and some other chick do it, but the porn star’s agent called and said it violated her contract with her company, so she couldn’t do it, and the other girl didn’t want to get arrested. We didn’t want to leave Topeka empty handed, and our bass player Laura wanted to leave sticky fingered.
Unmasking Lucien Greaves, Leader of the Satanic Temple
VICE: Is the Satanic Temple a satanic, or a satirical group?
Doug: That is a common question. I say why can’t it be both? We are coming from a solid philosophy that we absolutely believe in and adhere to. This is Satanism, and to us it couldn’t be called anything other than Satanism. However, our metaphor of Satan is a literary construct inspired by authors such as Anatole France and Milton—a rebel angel defiant of autocratic structure and concerned with the material world. Satanism as a rejection of superstitious supernaturalism. This Satan, of course, bears no resemblance to the embodiment of all cruelty, suffering, and negativity believed in by some apocalyptic segments of Judeo-Christian culture. The word Satan has no inherent value. If one acts with compassion in the name of Satan, one has still acted with compassion. Our very presence as civic-minded socially responsible Satanists serves to satirize the ludicrous superstitious fears that the word Satan tends to evoke.
Reminds me of a darker version of the Yes Men.
Yes. Just as the Yes Men use very catching theatrical ploys to draw attention to a progressive agenda, we play upon people’s irrational fears in a way that hopefully causes them to reevaluate what they think they know, redefine arbitrary labels, and judge people for their concrete actions. I believe that where reason fails to persuade, satire and mockery prevail. Whereas many religious groups seem to eschew humor, we embrace it.
Read the whole interview
Mississippi Police Want to Arrest the Satanists Who Turned the Founder of the Westboro Baptist Church’s Dead Mom Gay
Just over a week ago the Satanic Temple, unwavering disciples of the Prince of Darkness and aspiring adopt-a-highway participants, performed a Pink Mass over the grave of Catherine Idalette Johnston, the mother of Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps Jr. Westboro has yet to officially comment on the eternal gaying of its leader’s dead mom, but the owner of the cemetery where the ceremony was performed has filed charges with the local police department. The captain of the Meridian PD, Dean Harper, told local news station WTOK-TV on Monday that they were “in the process of constructing affidavits” and “will have [the satanists] arrested as soon as [they] can.” He added, “It is an unusual crime that we haven’t come across—to my knowledge—in a while.” Lol.
Harper told the Huffington Post today that the original charges of tresspasing, malicious mischief, and indecent exposure (thanks to Lucien teabagging Catherine Johnston’s grave, which can be seen here) have been dropped because “the judge refused to sign a warrant on them.” In the end, Lucien has been charged with desecration of a grave.
The Satanic Temple, a burgeoning community of worship devoted to the Dark Lord, has performed a “Pink Mass” over the grave of Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps Jr.’s mother. The Pink Mass is a Satanic ritual performed after death that turns the deceased’s straight spirit into a homo one—it’s not unlike the Mormon practice of baptizing the dead, only much gayer.
On Sunday the Satanic Temple, which first came into the national spotlight last January when the organizationannounced its support for Florida Governor Rick Scott, went to the Phelps family graveyard in Mississippi to perform the ritual. (Two Pink Masses were performed, one with a female couple and another with men.) I contacted Lucien Greaves, the Temple’s spokesperson and officiator of the ceremony, to find out what exactly the Pink Mass entials. While he didn’t get into specifics, he told told me via email that “there were, in fact, scriptures recited, candles lit, and a ceremonial proceeding that we may eventually post the details of at our website, westboro-baptist.com. That is, if the Pink Mass generates sufficient interest to the point that other responsible parties, respectful of the graveyard, wish to perform their own.”
The idea for the mass came about in April, when the WBC announced their intention to protest the funerals of the Boston Bombing victims. The church never showed up, but later issued a statement saying they were there “in spirit.” As is always the case when WBC does or says anything, both the initial plans and the subsequent statement pissed off everyone in the world, including Satanists. And so, according to a press release, the Satanic Temple decided that a ceremony celebrating same-sex couples “at the gravesite of Fred Phelps’ mother was an appropriate way to meet the Westboro Baptists, ‘in spirit,’ but this time on our terms.”