I Tried to Sell Cybergoth and Steampunk Gear to ‘Wavey’ Streetwear Kids
In Britain today, subculture is largely a thing of the past. The vast majority of young people just don’t seem interested in seeking out New Rock boots or Moschino-print trousers any more. Now, they just seem to sling on whatever they can find in the high street. They’re less likely to buy a shirt because it says something about who they think they are as a person than they are because it keeps them warm. In a way, you can understand this—being young’s tough enough without people spitting on you because you’ve developed a teenage obsession with The Crow. But by and large it’s a sad fact that comfort has replaced controversy as the order of the day, shopping centers filled with young people happily wandering around, taking selfies, and buying each other muffins and shit from the Disney store, like a bunch of fucking Americans.
Perhaps it’s because KoЯn went dubstep, perhaps it’s because rappers started wearing tight red jeans and glasses without lenses, perhaps it’s because Camden Lock is now just a massive Starbucks and a few stalls selling “Keep Calm” hoodies. Whatever the reasons, youth culture is now undeniably a lot fluffier and nicer than it was in previous generations.
But walk down any high street in any town with a population greater than 10,000 and there is one subculture still kicking against this Hollister-led style pogrom: streetwear culture. Not the one that involves 30-year-old blokes in Bape going to see DJ Vadim at KOKO, but the one that fetishises Snapbacks, bucket hats, North Face, King Krule, post-dubstep, knockout weed and very expensive shoes. The OFWGKTA influenced, Supreme-loving, Palace-worshipping marriage of American skate fashion and British rudeboy attitude. Which, oddly, are two things most people in their mid-twenties could probably never imagine coming together, having spent their teenage years watching skaters and rudeboys attack each other at bus stops.
Is Bam Margera Trolling Us with His Song “Bend My Dick to My Ass”?
Above is a music video that Bam Margera just released. In it, he raps about fucking himself in his own ass for a few minutes, before pissing in his own mouth.
Obviously, it’s terrible. I was just getting ready to send it to everyone I know so we could all LOL together, but then somebody pointed out to me that it might be satire, rather than Bam actually attempting to make something that people might find funny. And now I’m in two minds.
Reasons Why It Might Be Satire:
– It features every pop music video cliche of the last few years: flares, babes in a pool, babes in the back of a car, babes in a desert, standing on a car in the desert, a stupid dubstep breakdown, rave synths that sound like Velcro, etc. And this is Bam, remember, he loves really alt shit like skateboarding and HIM, so I bet he really, really hates pop music. I bet he uses words like “fake” and “posers” when describing it :(
– He is wearing headphones to help him with the lip-synching. This suggests it was turned around very, very quickly.
– OK, so it’s a piece of shit that’s not gonna be remade for IMAX any time soon, but multiple people clearly worked on this video. If he were genuinely attempting to be funny, somebody would have stepped in and stopped him. It would have been cruel not to.
– He pisses in his own mouth in the video. This is a comment on how modern pop music is repulsively, self-celebrating, and recycles the same shit (or piss) over and over again, just like that Pitchfork review of Jet.
– Ditto the above, but replace “pisses in his own mouth” with “bends dick to his own ass.”
– The “chorus” is: "I wanna bend my dick to my ass so I can fuck myself." The implications of a person saying this and genuinely thinking it’s funny are too depressingly wide-reaching to even begin thinking about.
Reasons Why It’s Probably Not Satire:
– It’s Bam Margera.
– He literally pisses in his own mouth in the video.