Paula Deen Is Exhausted from Being So Racist All the Time
Welcome to another edition of This Week in Racism. With the assistance of my friends at the @YesYoureRacist Twitter account, I’ll be ranking this and other news stories on a scale of 1 to RACIST, with “1” being the least racist and “RACIST” being the most racist.
-Paula Deen, America’s Sweetheart and expert chef of all things deep-fried, finally came clean about her use of the “N-Word” in a court deposition tied to a discrimination lawsuit filed by one of her former employees. Deen claimed that her Southern upbringing made use of the word natural. That’s totally true. I’ve been to the South. They use the “N-Word” like I use semi-colons; liberally and without regret.
Paula’s “Sorry for Being Racist” press tour was supposed to start this morning on the Today show, but she chose not to make her scheduled appearance, citing “exhaustion.” If I weighed 300 pounds, ate Twinkies for every meal, and had millions of people calling for me to be deported to a desert island for eternity, I’d be “exhausted” too.
Fear not Deeniacs, Paula released a video statement today that will clear up this whole mess. I haven’t watched it yet, but I heard that in the video, she hands out free watermelon and fried chicken in Harlem to show her support for the African-American community. Big ups to my girl, Paula, for being so generous to my bruthas and sistas. Also, for calcifying my colon through her delicious “cooking.”