David Bowie just sent us his new video for “Love is Lost.” Since we’re obliged to do anything he says, we decided to premiere it.
This Guy Shot a Porno on the Westboro Baptist Church’s Lawn
A week ago, Get Shot! was a relatively unknown punk band in Sacramento, but two days ago they released “Westboro Fingerbang,” a video of their bassist, Laura, masturbating on the front lawn of Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas. Since then, they’ve received over a thousand new facebook likes and literally become famous over night. I got in touch with the band’s lead singer, J.P. Hunter, to talk about why he made the movie and what’s next for Get Shot!
Why did you decide to shoot porn on the Westboro Baptist Church’s lawn?
J.P. Hunter: Everything in the book has been done to Westboro, but no one has actually filmed porn in front of their church. They’re used to going to other people’s sacred territory: gay soldiers funerals, other churches, Bon Jovi concerts, you name it. We’re trying to put a stance out that says, “Don’t be scared, you can fuck with these people.”
How did you make the video?
We tour. We went to Kansas City, Topeka, and Denver, and we planned the little Westboro stunt. We were supposed to have a porn star and some other chick do it, but the porn star’s agent called and said it violated her contract with her company, so she couldn’t do it, and the other girl didn’t want to get arrested. We didn’t want to leave Topeka empty handed, and our bass player Laura wanted to leave sticky fingered.
Premiere: Jimi Nxir’s “Thundher” Video
A couple of years ago, in a dumpy discount grocery store in Cleveland, Ohio, you might have seen Jimi Nxir stocking shelves with crap like antiperspirant deodorant and mothballs. The singer-songwriter was probably filling those racks to the fine tunes of groups like Dexys Midnight Runners and Wham! But even then, in full-fail regalia with the employer-provided polyester polo shirt and flat-front pants on, he had a different song in his head—one of psychedelic soundscapes where electronic vibes become soulful and hot-buttered soul becomes ones and zeros. You might not have recognized it back then, if you saw him among the rows and aisles of processed food and useless knick-knacks, but Jimi has always had his own song to sing. And his song would take him from the sleepy streets of Cleveland to the vanguard of a new movement of black artists in New York City.
Important Questions Raised by Miley Cyrus’s New Video, “We Can’t Stop”
Making fun of Miley Cyrus is low-hanging fruit. Completely justified fruit, but low-hanging nonetheless. Because I’m occasionally clever (but mostly just mean), friends and coworkers have been sending me Miles’ new video, “We Can’t Stop,” with an eager “What do you think of this???” all day. But other than being akin to scrolling through your Tumblr dashboard while waiting for the semi-suicidal PCP comedown to subside, this video is so goddamn brain-busting that I cannot even begin to parse together an opinion on it. I only have questions. SO MANY QUESTIONS. Maybe you can help me answer some of them.
Reviewed: The World’s Worst Music Video Ever Starring the World’s Biggest Dickhead
At some point in the 90s, queercore band Pansy Division were interviewed by Kerrang! magazine. In that interview, they compared major pop punk bands like NOFX and Pennywise to 80s party metal scumbags Mötley Crüe—asserting that they appealed to the same type of person (scumbag party bros), behaved in a similar way (were scumbags at parties), etc. They were lamenting punk’s descent into apolitical bro-ishness via the Warped Tour and MTV, and while they were right that the focus had shifted a little from fighting the power to fighting back the puke, they could never have predicted Ronnie Radke. No one could, or would ever want to.
Ronnie Radke is the lead singer of Las Vegas metalcore pricks, Falling In Reverse. Last week, Ronnie fired his entire band in a shit-fit about ticket sales. But not before he dropped the kind of music video that reminds us why the terrorists hate us/that punk is dead/how to be a fucking rock star.
That’s right: Someone out there thought it was a good idea to have a bunch of emo dickheads do choreographed dance routines to metalcore breakdowns, get the most annoying one to rap, then slather a bunch of sub-Skrillex trance synths over the top of it. The synths sound like gangrenous piss. I don’t know if it makes it better or worse that Radke claims to have been sober and drug free for nearly five years. Coincidentally enough, he’s spent the same five years on probation for his role in an altercation that resulted in a shooting death, with two of those spent in prison for skipping out on his parole officer. Yep, he’s that kinda guy.
Disappointingly, for those of us who enjoy watching prima donnas with face tattoos talk shit about people they believe have wronged them, Radke had a tantrum on Twitter, then deleted all his tweets and Instagram photos. In light of such cowardly backtracking, we’ll have to make do with piecing together the psyche of a full-blown fucking rock star by taking a closer look at the video for “Alone”.
We open to the sound of synths and a helicopter dropping off a few emo bros who seem to have been plucked from some “make a band” PC game from the 90s. While considering the helicopter, note that these guys are signed to Epitaph Records, the pop punk Motown founded by Bad Religion guitarist Brett Gurewitz. That’s right: the same man who wrote “We’re Only Gonna Die (From Our Own Arrogance)" signed off on a helicopter and white suit rental to turn the stinkiest turd lurking in the toilet of Ronnie Radke’s ego a reality. I’m no punk purist, but it seems that Mr Gurewitz might want to take a long hard look at himself.
Directed by Richard Kern and Featuring a Former VICE Intern
Noisey’s got the premiere of Snoop Lion’s new video “Here Comes the King”. Watch it here
Is Bam Margera Trolling Us with His Song “Bend My Dick to My Ass”?
Above is a music video that Bam Margera just released. In it, he raps about fucking himself in his own ass for a few minutes, before pissing in his own mouth.
Obviously, it’s terrible. I was just getting ready to send it to everyone I know so we could all LOL together, but then somebody pointed out to me that it might be satire, rather than Bam actually attempting to make something that people might find funny. And now I’m in two minds.
Reasons Why It Might Be Satire:
– It features every pop music video cliche of the last few years: flares, babes in a pool, babes in the back of a car, babes in a desert, standing on a car in the desert, a stupid dubstep breakdown, rave synths that sound like Velcro, etc. And this is Bam, remember, he loves really alt shit like skateboarding and HIM, so I bet he really, really hates pop music. I bet he uses words like “fake” and “posers” when describing it :(
– He is wearing headphones to help him with the lip-synching. This suggests it was turned around very, very quickly.
– OK, so it’s a piece of shit that’s not gonna be remade for IMAX any time soon, but multiple people clearly worked on this video. If he were genuinely attempting to be funny, somebody would have stepped in and stopped him. It would have been cruel not to.
– He pisses in his own mouth in the video. This is a comment on how modern pop music is repulsively, self-celebrating, and recycles the same shit (or piss) over and over again, just like that Pitchfork review of Jet.
– Ditto the above, but replace “pisses in his own mouth” with “bends dick to his own ass.”
– The “chorus” is: "I wanna bend my dick to my ass so I can fuck myself." The implications of a person saying this and genuinely thinking it’s funny are too depressingly wide-reaching to even begin thinking about.
Reasons Why It’s Probably Not Satire:
– It’s Bam Margera.
– He literally pisses in his own mouth in the video.
Head over to The Creators Project for the premiere of “Wait”, the new video from M83.