Q. Pick a movie A. Fargo (“I like the Coen Brothers a lot. Their films tend to be morality plays.”)
Q. What term best describes you? A. Loyal (“I hope to be loyal in my service to God.”)
Q. Pick a song A. “Money” by Pink Floyd (“I think they’re a very underrated band.”)
Q. What’s your ideal Friday night? A. Hanging with your significant other (“I love my wife, she’s the wife of my youth. And the Lord tells us to rejoice with the wife of thy youth.”)
Q. Pick a food A. Maraschino cherries (“I put maraschino cherries in soda. I think it spices it up.”)
Q. Describe your personal style A. No. (“I don’t think any of the other stuff really describes me very well.”)
Q. Pick a TV show A. Breaking Bad(“It’s a very interesting story. It’s complex. I don’t like stories where you already know what’s going to happen. Though I’ve gotta tell you, with all of his supposed love for his wife and son, rather than deciding to be a meth kingpin, he could’ve just trusted that the Lord would take care of his son and wife.”)
"Who is that? I guess he’s one of the prime suspects for killing the girl. He looks like he’s a good-looking, clean-cut kid. Which means he doesn’t at all resemble me."
We Got Members of the Westboro Baptist Church to Take Buzzfeed Quizzes
As I’m sure you’ve heard, Fred Phelps, founder and head-dickhead of the Westboro Baptist Church, has died.
Presumably this has been a game changer in the Westboro world, and I wanted to get to know the new them. And what better way to get to know someone than making them do a bunch of Buzzfeed quizzes? They have told me many, many things about myself and others that I never knew (and also probably didn’t want to know, TBH.)
Below is how the members of the church answered the quizzes I sent to them. The answer they selected is presented with a short quote from them explaining their choice. Enjoy!
Q. Pick a dress color for your first date A. Black ("Black is the color of the human soul. We have no good in us.")
Q. Pick the activity for your first date A. Dancing (“King David danced in the street after seeing the Lord’s divine rule acted out.”)
Q. Where do you want to sleep right now? A. A four poster bed. (“It reminds me of Roman times, when people had the word of God with them.”)
Q. What would you want for your anniversary? A. A dog. (“Because dogs are loyal.”)
Q. Pick a dog A. A terrier. (“It reminds me of a dog called April that we used to have. And someone, in the middle of the night, broke in and slit her throat.”)
Q. Pick a flower A. An iris (“When we first moved to this house, we could see these flowers outside.”)
Q. Which New York City tourist attraction would you actually like to visit? A. The Empire State Building. (“It couldn’t have been made unless God had given the engineers and the people who built it the ability to do so.”)
Q. Pick a romantic comedy A. Pretty Woman(“She was supposedly a prostitute with a heart of gold. This generation has been raised to think being promiscuous is something to be proud of. And it is not.”)
Q. Which word makes you squirm? A. Ooze (“There’s a sickness to it. The Lord has cursed fags with AIDS which causes them to have sores that ooze.”)
Q. When looking for a boyfriend, which of the following is most important? A. Loyalty. (“It’s important for people to have loyalty to one’s brothers.”)
Q. Pick a brunch dish A. Grapefruit. (“It looks really healthy.”)
"I’m not familiar with this character or the show at all. It says he expects the perfect wife. A lot of people expect things to be perfect for them even though they don’t deserve it."
When we shot this, I could not believe what was happening. This was probably the most mind-blowing moment for me. I mean, it’s Vanessa Hudgens, the girl from High School Musical! Of course, the ATL Twins were very helpful in demonstrating the proper way to snort drugs off of naked women. The girl with the “drugs” on her (crushed B12, in case you’re wondering) was an extra who was stiff as a board and blushing from ear to ear the entire time.