So it’s like going to the gym for your vagina?
Yeah, but it’s not like you’re maxing out. You’re not picking up pianos with your vagina—you’re picking up blueberries, so don’t squish them and make a mess. It’s very gentle.
So it’s like going to the gym for your vagina?
You’re Doing Kegels Wrong
Most people know Kegels as a lady-business exercise that women do to heal their vaginas after they’ve had a baby, or something older women try in an attempt to delay the inevitable need for diapers, or what young women do when they’re trying to keep their lower-half in tiptop condition.
What you might not know is that there are levels to this shit. First, both men and women can benefit from exercising the pelvic floor (aka the area and muscle fibers covering the space underneath your pelvis). It can improve your orgasms and posture, and it doesn’t involve going to the gym (the most effective workout for your pelvic floor is sex). Still, there’s a lot of misinformation about what Kegels and pelvic floor exercises can and cannot do.
I wanted to get down to the brass tacks of genital strength improvement, so I called registered pelvic-floor physiotherapist Julia Di Paolo—a 17-year veteran of the physiotherapy world, four of which have been spent as one of Toronto’s 54 trained pelvic floor specialists—to learn more about preventing organs from sinking into your vagina, what you should do if you experience pain during sex, and why picking up an imaginary blueberry with your vagina may be the secret to better fuckin’.
VICE: What does a pelvic floor physiotherapist actually do?
Julia Di Paolo: We are regular registered physiotherapists, but we have specialized education, so it’s post-grad education. We are the only ones who go internal, which means fingers into the vagina or the rectum to assess the musculature of the pelvis. There’s a lot of muscles you can’t access from the outside, and some of them you can access, but not very easily. Going inside is the only way to tell if a muscle is too tight or too loose, or too short.
What kind of clients do you typically see?
I see a lot of women who are pregnant or just had their babies. And then we have a subset of the mothers of the women who just had their babies, because the women I treat go home and tell grandma, who is looking after the new baby, what they did, and she says, “well, I leak too,” and she comes to see me.
Women in menopause are at high risk because they’ve delivered babies years ago and then they have 20 or 30 years without pelvic support, so over 50 percent of them have prolapses—that’s when the organs kind of lean down into the vagina and aren’t supported anymore.
Why are so many girls wearing cat makeup on Tinder? We explored the phenomenon.
An Expert’s Guide to Brothel Etiquette
Since last September, notices have started to appear in the windows of Amsterdam’s brothels. The flyers are there to advise potential customers of what does and doesn’t constitute appropriate behavior once they’re inside. In practice, this is a well-intentioned piece of bureaucracy. In reality, it’s something nobody is ever going to read. In fact, given the flyers’ size, the effects of a customer’s Dutch courage, and the other distractions in and around the window area, it’s unlikely anyone would even notice them. Which might be an issue for those of you who’ve never paid for sex before but maybe want to do so on your next trip to Amsterdam, or Nevada, or Cologne, without coming across as both an amateur and a dick.
I’ve been having sex with the “window girls” of Amsterdam for a while now, keeping a blogof all my experiences that led to my being interviewed by VICE last month. So instead of making you rely on the small print tacked up around the red-light district, I thought I’d use the knowledge I’ve picked up over the past couple of years to gift you my own informed guide to the etiquette of sleeping with a sex worker.
THE NEW GIRLS ARE AS MUCH IN THE DARK AS YOU ARE
If there’s one major thing I’ve learned from interviewing the girls I’ve met, it’s that they were as clueless at the start of their careers as johns are ahead of their first time. “You don’t know what to do; you don’t know what to charge,” they say. “The guys say it’s OK to do this and to do that, and you believe them.”
That said, the preconceptions of those guys who are new to the window experience can be more damaging, invasive, and just plain rude. “They come in and just grab,” I’ve been told on a number of occasions, usually accompanied by an eye roll.
As far as I can tell, that grabbiness is mostly fueled by the expectations young guys get from internet pornography, like that weird thing male porn stars do where they try to fit their entire hand in a girl’s mouth during anal sex. Unsurprisingly, this kind of behavior isn’t thought of too highly by the window girls. They’re selling their time and, with it, access to specific sexual acts; they’re not saying, “Give me €50 (about $75) and do anything that comes into your stupid fucking head.”
TREAT THE GIRLS AS YOU WOULD YOUR GIRLFRIEND (KIND OF)
Personally, I treat prostitutes as though they’re my girlfriends. But my relationship code is based on respect and concern for a partner’s well-being. I guess this piece of advice is dependent upon how you behave when you have a special person in your life. I’m going to assume that you’re a decent sort, and that your relationships to date haven’t been a shitstorm of domestic abuse, neglect, and psychological cruelty. If you wouldn’t treat a girlfriend that way, don’t treat a prostitute that way. These are basic people skills.
Malerie Marder’s Gorgeous (and NSFW) Photos of Dutch Prostitutes Look Like Classical Paintings
When American photographer Malerie Marder was a student at Yale, Phillip Lorca diCorcia—who was one of her professors—worked with her on her first monograph,Carnal Knowledge. Her projects have dealt with the relationship between voyeurism and intimacy ever since.
For her new series, Anatomy, Marder spent six years working with prostitutes in Amsterdam and Rotterdam, coming up with compositions that bring to mind the works of painters like Magritte, Toulouse-Lautrec, or Courbet. I called her up for a chat.
VICE: Is it true you had to pay the women for their time?
Malerie Marder: Yes, I paid each woman 350 euros [$480]. A friend of mine, who is a collector, helped me financially but also worked as my assistant. He was my angel, my patron saint; without him none of this would have been possible.
Did you face any problems with convincing people to pose for you?
The real problem was not being able to photograph everyone who wanted me to. I’m a small presence in the studio—I shoot with a view camera that is slow and use an HMI light, which is like a warm sun. It’s a very small set up. I incorporated flash at the end but even that was just an additional light. I didn’t overtake the space so I think the women often forgot about me.
These Guys Are Trying to Improve Lebanese Sex Lives
“If my girlfriend doesn’t come, can I return this?”
That’s one of the stranger queries the founders of Yalla Condoms have had from customers since launching their lube and condom delivery website a little over a week ago.
According to Yalla founders Zadi Hobeika and Robert Tabet, the site is a result of a very local problem. They say that the average Lebanese person isn’t exactly comfortable when it comes to buying contraceptives. So at a party in January of this year, the two came up with a remedy: a discreet service that could supply a vast array of condoms, lube, creams, and various sex-related accessories to the masses, allowing them to practice safe sex while also broadening their horizons. In a society where the neighborhood pharmacy may well be owned by your family’s landlord, any opportunity to avoid an awkward encounter while buying all your sexual paraphernalia is a welcomed one.
Hobeika, 28, has lived abroad most of his life, but owns an advertising agency in Lebanon and recently left Google Dublin to come back to his homeland. He made the move in the hope of working on projects that he feels passionately about, and watching him switch between laughter and mock seriousness, it becomes immediately clear that he and Tabet are enjoying their first foray into the sex-product industry.
Don’t Be Ashamed of Anal Sex
People are still having sex. Paid sex. Drugs sex. Gay sex. And they love it. It’s happening every day, week, and month, possibly on the other side of that wall right next to you. Which is pretty exciting. You may have heard that British gays went drearily mainstream this past week after winning the right to marry each other by massaging powerful Conservatives into thinking queer rights are part of the Tory ideology. Apparently, Peter Tatchell had to work on David Cameron for quite some time before he finally came through. “I had to pump Tory members of Parliament—with facts and opinion-poll results showing majority support for same-sex civil marriage,” he told me.
Wonderful progress, of course, yet despite the jacket of respectability society will now lend to monogamous gay couples, many people are clearly still ashamed about their desire for hot, gay sex—a shame that penetrates visceral depths well beyond the reach of even the largest dildos. As horny as it may be to imagine hot guys guiltily jacking off to pics of other hot guys, I want to know: Why the shame? What’s so wrong with one man putting his lips around another man’s penis? I don’t want to generalize or anything—trust me, I hang out with sluts of every sexual persuasion—BUT I KNOW PEOPLE WHO LIVE FOR THAT SHIT. Because sex is fun. And gay sex is super fun. If you’re gay. Sometimes, even if you’re not. In fact, your mom is probably doing some hot, gay sex now. It’s all cool.
This Danish Guy Has Legal Sex with His Dog
It hasn’t been long since the Copenhagen Zoo pissed off the entire internet by turning a young, healthy giraffe named Marius into lion food. But last week, they were at it again,killing four lions to make room for a new male lion.
The zoo’s enthusiasm for culling healthy animals underscores Denmark’s unique approach to animal rights. For example,a it’s illegal to buy a pit bull in the country, but completelylegal to have sex with a dog, or any other animal, as long as you aren’t torturing it. There have been multiple attempts to criminalize zoophilia, but nothing has been done yet—presumably because none of the major political parties seem to think that having sex with animals is that big of a deal.
A number of animal rights groups don’t share the Danish political class’s breezy apathy and have warned that Denmark is becoming a prime destination for animal sex tourism. The thing is, there’s not a lot of evidence to support the activists’ claims—onlysome websites set up by various Danes demanding that lawmakers clamp down on zoophiles and “beasts” (as proponents of bestiality are called by people who know about that sort of thing).
To find out more, I logged onto Beast Forum, a popular zoophilia message board and apparently a great place to go if you want to borrow a dog from a stranger for an evening of consensual love-making. On the boards I met a 29-year-old I’ll call “Michael,” and spoke to him about his country’s attitude towards having sex with animals.
VICE: How did you realize that sex with animals turned you on?
Michael: It started when I was 14 or 15 years old. I grew up in the countryside, so I’d often seen animals mating, and that made me curious.
When did you first act on that curiosity?
A couple of years ago. I’d talked about animal sex with a female friend and she got curious about it. She had her own dog, and one day she let the dog take her. She told me about it the next day, and we went to her place and I got to watch. And, later, to try it myself. The dog looked interested in me, so I let it take me.
What is it about animals that turns you on?
It’s difficult to explain. They’re more honest and, well, more animal-like. If a dog likes you, there’s no doubt about it. Contrary to what people think, an animal can easily say no if it doesn’t want to have sex with you. I guess some animals are just beautiful and lovely to be with.
Which species turn you on in particular?
Mostly dogs. Horses a bit as well. And, with dogs, specifically collies, labradors, and German shepherds. They’re beautiful dogs. Most of my experiences have been with dogs, but I also caressed a mare once.