Ibiza Looked Just As Fun Before the Ravers Came
Before the crap ecstasy and Paul Oakenfold, Ibiza was something else entirely: a sleepy Balearic island known for being the favored vacation destination of famous, wealthy hippies hoping to escape the exhausting stresses of making music for a living. There was, however, a short period of change between the boho years and the Ibiza Uncovered era—a span of time that last roughly from the mid-1970s until the late-80s.
During that time, instead of being overrun by tourists getting dressed up in their best pair of shorts to hurl $15 at a luminous bottle of drink in Pacha, Ibiza Town was full of beautiful European people wearing weird clothes and dancing around in open-air nightclubs. It was a bit like Berlin was in the 2000s but with glorious, blazing sunlight and sandy beaches rather than Arctic winds and stern Soviet architecture.
Photographer Derek Ridgers happened to be on a family holiday in Ibiza in 1983 when he came across all these European club kids, and fresh from photographing London’s skinheads, he trained his camera upon them. For whatever reason, no publications would buy his photos at the time, so they’d been sitting around unseen for decades until he dug them out and put them on display this month as part of the ICA’s “Ibiza: Moments in Love" exhibition.
I gave Derek a call to chat about his pictures.
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I Fuck, Therefore I Am
A few months ago I published a piece about a torrid, semi-relationship I had with a cuckold fetishist on this other website. Before the article went public, my editor sent me an email warning me not to read the comments on the piece unless, of course, I could take insults lightly. I was no stranger to shitty, nonsensical comments littered with the word “whore”. After all, I’ve been writing for VICE for three years.
The cuckold piece was as explicit as editorial would let me be. A writer I once interviewed told me that to be successful by the age of 25, you have to live your life as though you do not have parents. I have parents, and they learned very quickly to not read most of my published work.
I didn’t read the comments on my cuckold piece, but a friend of mine did. He gave me the Coles Notes: “The comments aren’t so much about your writing, but just people calling you crazy, a whore, or damaged,” he said. “They are telling you to get therapy. Also, LOL at five pounds worth of comments from people who gobbled your story up just so they could poop out their insecurities all over the page.” I laughed, because what other reaction is there? One man even went so far as to tweet at me and tell me how messed up I was.
I Went Looking for Love at Tinder’s Launch Party
Tinder’s popularity rises with the increasing number of lonely people in the world. Largely capitalizing on the solitude of the city-dwelling 20-somethings who form the majority of the app’s users, it has reduced the human romantic experience down to its most basic level. Your iPhone flashes up a picture of a stranger’s face. Put your thumb on it and swipe left if you don’t want to have sex with them; swipe right if you do. If you’re the kind of puritanical moralist who has issues with that, then fuck you. When you’re little more than a faceless urban speck, wedged in that sticky interim period between formal education and a living wage, techno-dogging offers a welcome distraction.
However, I was still a little surprised when my friend forwarded me this invitation to an official Tinder “Launch Party” in London, England:
Why was this party occurring over a year after the app’s actual launch? Maybe the launch was going to serve as an inaugural huzzah for a sort of Tinder elite, a pool of the most right-swiped people in Britain. Maybe the people who run Tinder just want to renew the hype around it after a couple of months of the media talking it to death. Could it perhaps be an orgy? Obviously I had nothing better to do that evening, so I went down to take a look and find out what Tinder’s finest really thought of Jack, 24, Peckham.
The Sperm Selling Business Is Super Competitive
Pretty much every guy at some point thinks about participating in a cum-for-cash scheme. Guys cum all the time. In fact, I bet you’re cumming right now. So why not get paid for it?
After some googling, I found out that there are general criteria for selling your sperm, including having, or pursuing, a college degree, being over 5’9’’, being free of drugs, being from a family that’s free of mental illness, and possessing a high sperm count.
I have a BA, I’m neither mental or a drug addict, I’m tall, handsome and charming, and quite the virile man (ladies?), so I figured this would be as easy as rubbing off a log.
I sought out the bank that would pay the highest possible amount for my tadpole kin. The most remunerative group for my rudiment is Cryos New York. They offer $500 a pop, and up to $600 for an “open donation,” where your kids come and find you later in life.
If I am going to be a dead-beat dad, I don’t need to know about it, so I filled out my application for closed donations only. After filling out my 10-page application form, I sent it to Cryos Bank, and I was thoroughly excited to begin my career as a freelance masturbator.
Why Do Insects Have Gay Sex?
For centuries naturalists have observed and recorded homosexual behavior in nature. Famed explorer George Murray Levick was so shocked by the “astonishing depravity” of the male Adéliepenguins he observed on the 1910-13 Scott Antarctic Expedition that he successfully hid his research notebook from the public for 100 years. The recently unearthed document detailed such acts as penguin-on-penguin rape, chick molestation, and displays of gruesome necrophilia, as well as widespread homosexual relations among birds that the disgusted adventurer, discarding all impartiality, called “hooligan males.”
Although cultural biases have long obscured observation of “deviant” acts in nature, a spate of recent studies have established that a wide spectrum of species engages in non-reproductive sexual behavior. As the evidence mounts that same-sex sexytime is a common occurrence in the animal kingdom, scientists have come up with a variety of explanations for why going “gay” might be an evolutionarily advantageous trait, despite the fact that doing so cannot result in baby making. Some scientists have posited that non-reproductive orgasm is a way to keep sperm stocks fresh; some guess that animals need the practice; some observe that same-sex sexual (SSS) activity strengthens social bonds or establishes hierarchal structure; and others suggest that animals just wanna have fun.
I Went to a Class to Learn How to Financially Dominate Men
Last week, I went to a financial domination class in Downtown Los Angeles, hoping to learn valuable lessons on how to empower myself. After years of getting screwed over by the Man, I was ready to screw the Man myself. The class was at a place called the Den of Inequity, which is a BDSM club that also puts together workshops.
Financial domination, for the uninitiated, is a fetish where people (usually submissive men) pay money to a dominant female without any hope of sexual intercourse. The sheer thrill of being taken advantage of is enough to turn on the submissive male.
Most of the Den of Inequity’s workshops are on things like “cock and ball torture” and “whipping.” But, as a poor person with an amateur interest in verbally abusing people, I figured I’d go learn about financial domination. I go on drunken rants where I insult men all the time. Why, just the other night I sent a drunk text to my ex saying that we’d probably still be together if his dick was as big as his ego. So if I can make a few dollars doing what I love, why not?
Natural Insemination Is Tinder for People Who Want to Get Pregnant
Procreation is a pretty vital aspect of human existence. But tragically, not all of us are equipped to pollinate and populate, whether that’s because our junk doesn’t work right or because we can’t find anyone who wants to make a baby with us. Luckily, science has done what it was invented to do and created a number of methods to help prospective parents get around those problems—methods like IVF, artificial insemination (AI), and surrogate motherhood.
However, for those who find the concept of stepping into a hospital and walking out with a baby in their womb a little too abstract, there is a less traditional, 100 percent more tangible alternative: natural insemination (NI).
NI is exactly what it sounds like: sexual intercourse that’s supposed to result in a pregnancy, a.k.a. having sex to make a new human being. Only, instead of being the planned outcome of a relationship or accidental result of an awkward hookup, it’s facilitated by the internet and allows you to meet up with a complete stranger with the specific aim of making a baby. It’s sperm donation for the Tinder generation.
What Does It Mean to Be a Pervert?
You may have recently seen the soft-spoken Jesse Bering on Conan recalling the strangest of sexual fetishes. Be it arousal from falling down the stairs (Climacophilia) or feeling steamy from rolling around in stones and gravel (Lithophilia), nothing surprises the Western New York author and psychologist. That’s why Dr. Bering just wrote Perv: The Sexual Deviant in All of Us, which unloads the morality of all things sexually weird.
Being a pervert is more than just what initially springs to mind. Armed with an academic backbone, the former psych professor adds a dash of humor to his research, many of which are learned from written reports. Bering has studied them extensively, and said he developed immunity to shock, in the process. His writing style is not an undergrad snorefest, so his book is getting a lot of much-deserved hype. Sex research is a touchy topic. Jesse believes cracking someone’s desires helps understand them fully. He spoke with us about the depths human erotic imagination, “objectum sexuals,” and how he views homophobes as types of pervs.
VICE: What is a perv in your eyes?
Jesse: If I could rewrite the definition for the word “pervert” based on my own criteria, it would be a person who intentionally causes sexual harm to another. Note that this definition applies not only to the obvious examples—rapists, child molesters, those who abuse animals, and so on—but also to those whose bigotry causes harm to sexual minorities. A homophobe is a perv in my book, for instance, by dint of his or her invasive, voyeuristic preoccupation with the private sexual lives of an innocuous minority.
What kind of weird things did you find in your research?
Well, when you set out to read everything that’s ever been written about the subject of sexual deviance, you quickly develop a sort of immunity to shock. But some of the more memorable case studies included a morbidly obese Australian teenager who’d developed ulcers on his body after he failing to bathe properly; he came to, essentially, fall in love with these bubbling cankers, masturbating to the image of a beautiful woman who was sucking on his fingers while he inserted [them] into his festering wounds. Disturbing, yes, but also a testament to the power of the human erotic imagination. Then there was the Indian man with an insect paraphilia (“formicophilia”) who could only get off by placing slugs and beetles around his testicles and anus; and the young actor from London who thought his hay fever as a boy led to his sexual attraction to sneezing men.
Are there more male than female pervs or is it about the same?
In terms of people with certifiable paraphilias and fetishes—and by that, I mean in the clinical sense of either requiring or being largely dependent on something outside of the norm for their sexual gratification—it’s an overwhelmingly male phenomenon. Most sexologists believe that there are 99 paraphilic men to every one paraphilic woman.