I wanted to know: Would Jesus ever use a gun?
The pastor thought a moment. “I don’t think so, because as God, he doesn’t need a gun. He can command anything, and it would happen. But all of his followers carried swords for three and a half years, and not one time did he tell them to put those swords down. The only time that Jesus told Peter to put his sword back was at the very end. That was because Jesus came to die on the cross to pay for our sins, and he did not want Peter to get in the way.”
“Why did Jesus want them to have swords?”
“For exactly what we need guns for—for personal protection and to protect our liberties… All you have to do is read 1984 to know what’s going on in this country.”
Lebanon’s Illegal Arms Dealers
With Lebanon’s security situation worsening every day, business is booming for the country’s illegal arms dealers. With a porous border with Syria next door and vast stockpiles of weapons left over from the country’s civil war, anyone with enough cash can buy any weapon they want, no questions asked - so VICE News went window shopping to see what’s availableG
The Walther PPK is an ideal option to place inside a woman’s private parts because it’s the preferred firearm for English superspy James Bond, who could certainly be considered an expert in the female anatomy. It was also the gun Adolf Hitler used to shoot himself, so it could be a great conversation starter, though taking a gun out of your vagina is already a pretty good way to get people talking.
What’s the Best Gun to Conceal Inside Your Vagina?
Hey, did you hear the one about Jennifer McCarthy, the ex-wife of famous author Cormac McCarthy, who pulled a gun out of her vagina during an argument she was having with her boyfriend about aliens? Via the Wire:
“According to the Albuquerque Journal, McCarthy reportedly stormed out during a fight over extraterrestrial life with her unnamed boyfriend and then returned with a plan for vengeance. The police report describes how she went to her bedroom, dressed up in lingerie, put the gun in a place no guns should go, then somehow performed an unspecified sex act with the gun insider her. Naturally, that was just a prelude to pulling the gun out, pointing it at her boyfriend, and asking the presumably rhetorical question “Who is crazy, you or me?”
Anonymous boyfriend took the gun away and dropped it in the toilet. McCarthy then took it back, so he just threw it in the trash.”
There are a lot of questions left unanswered by this story, which is a real thing that happened in New Mexico and has been picked up by many well-respected media outlets. Question 1: Whatkind of argument about aliens was it? Were they debating whether aliens exist, whether they had visited Earth, or was it a more abstract discussion about the Drake Equation? Question 2: The sex act has got to be a blowjob, right? Or was she, like, using the gun on herself? Question 3: Are the two of them still a coupe? Question 4: Was it all the way up in there, or did she just sort of rest the barrel inside herself?
Most importantly, what the heck kind of gun did she have that she could fit into her womanhood? Putting aside juvenile jokes about Ms. McCarthy’s unmentionables being especially loose or wide or whatever, vaginas just aren’t very big. What sort of firearm could she have been packing, and if you’re a lady who has decided that vaginal conceal-carry is right for you, what’s the best gun to purchase? Here are a few options:
North American Arms Mini Revolver 22 LR 1 1/8”
Say hello to my little friend! Ha ha, that was just some “pulling a gun out of my vagina” humor there, sorry. Seriously, this weapon is marketed as “the most famous tiny pistol in the world,” and with that laminated rosewood finish on the grip, it’s easy to see why. More importantly, it’s just under two and a half inches high and four inches long, meaning that you don’t have to be Galactus, Devourer of Worlds down there to fit it in.
Sig P238 380 ACP, Pearl Grips, Black Multi-Tone Finish
We found this beauty of a gem online for $729.99, so it’s no bargain, but for a respectable woman of means, there’s no reason the gun that she pulls out of her vagina to settle an argument about aliens or end a tedious dinner party conversations shouldn’t be every bit as classy as the rest of her outfit. The polished, engraved slide and the pearl white grips will be appreciated by whoever is unlucky enough to get a look at this piece, and though it might be a bit tricky to get the 3.9-inch height in, every good woman knows that some things are worth the effort.
The TSA (Transportation Security Administration) is supposed to prevent passengers from slipping anything that could be used as a weapon past its multiple layers of security personnel, scanning devices, and explosive-detecting swabs. Trouble is, there are a slew of items that you can purchase just past the security checkpoint that can be turned into a makeshift arsenal. Evan Booth, a computer programmer and self-styled security researcher has crafted a wide range of explosive, incendiary, and projectile-launching devices made from seemingly innocuous items. VICE’s Tim Pool traveled to North Carolina to meet with Evan and get a demonstration of how the massive and costly infrastructure of the TSA may be little more than a security blanket.
Today, applied technology startup TrackingPoint Solutions is working tirelessly to turn novice shots into precision snipers.
The company made headlines in early 2013 when it unveiled the precision guided firearm (PGF). Think of it as a long-range, laser-guided robo rifle—as much Linux-based computer as traditional firearm. The PGF’s closed-loop system comprises not just the gun itself, a custom Surgeon rifle, but also custom ammunition and, notably, a proprietary (and WiFi-enabled) scope. The technology packed into TrackingPoint’s initial PGF package is so advanced that we’d heard it could have an inexperienced shooter, maybe even someone who hasn’t ever fired a gun, putting lead on targets at over 1,000 away in mere minutes.
In spring of 2013, Texas-based start up TrackingPoint Solutions released the first ever precision-guided firearm, which is essentially a long-range, laser-guided robo rifle. Call it the gun of tomorrow: The technology is so advanced we’ve heard it can have beginners killing at extreme distances with single-shot accuracy in mere minutes.
The PGF’s closed-loop system is based off jetfighter lock and launch technology, something TrackingPoint CEO Jason Schauble says not only marks the next great paradigm shift in the evolution of firearms—it helps users make ethical kill shots too. But critics of the PGF platform, no doubt part and parcel of a rising tide of intelligent killer apps, say the gun, or rather its proprietary scope, marks the dawn of “skill-free killing”.
In LONG SHOT Motherboard visits West Texas, the frontline of smart weapons. We get a backcountry crash course through the PGF, hear about TrackingPoint’s plans to apply its system to a veritable suite of advanced weaponry, all built on custom software that promises to have novice shots like us to killing at 1,000 yards—and in the near future, potentially 3,000 yards—with single-shot accuracy, and try to untangle an increasingly knotty firearms debate in light of the so-called gamification of killing and, sadly, yet another mass shooting.
Has killing become too easy?
Uganda Is Taking Israel’s Unwanted Asylum Seekers to Get Cheaper Weapons
Earlier this month, it was reported that Israel was trying to swap Africans for arms. Or, more specifically, broker a deal with a number of unspecified African countries that would see thousands of African refugees included in lucrative deals for Israeli weapons and military training. If you take back these annoying, resources-sapping asylum seekers, the Israelis seemed to be saying, you can buy our guns for cheap.
The Israeli government is currently detaining thousands of African asylum seekers in desert prisons on the Egyptian border. Many of them now face being shipped off, against their will, to whichever African country will take them. Seemingly no thought has been paid to sending asylum seekers back to oppressive regimes they may have been fleeing in the first place.
It seems that a deal has now been struck, as late last week Israeli Interior Minister Gideon Sa’ar announced that he would start the process of deporting migrants to Uganda.
The Israeli government already have strong relations with their Ugandan counterparts, with Israel currently “working to introduce sophisticated agro-technology" to the country. But it is newer support to Uganda’s military—weapons, training, fighter jets, and possibly drones—that many suspect to be behind the country’s decision to import asylum seekers from Israel.
"We’re hoping to operate in the coming weeks and months in a way that will make another exit for infiltrators in the country,” Sa’ar explained, “while trying to reach agreements with more countries.”